Strugges with 'Growing Up.'

you are lucky if you have any friends at all bcoz i have none and i havent for a couple if years now so be greatfull :bored:

Woah… this is unusual, I thought about what I am gonna write and felt nothing but as soon as I started writing I was overwhelmed by sadness. I feel bad, why did I start writing this. I see, I never said it to anyone, only thought about it myself. Woah, I could cry now, but I don’t do it.

Sorry, the first paragraph was something I went trough while writing and I felt that it’s important to put it there. So the thing I have noticed while growing up is very depressing. I have always had friends, familys trust, I lately got a girlfriend and everything should be okay. But I got only one thought in my head “why do I need to live” I’m not suicidial or anything, but I feel that it would be better to die and be gone.

So, because I have absolutely no idea why I need to live on. I’m gonna have fun, my ultimate goal is to have fun and it doesn’t matter if other people think im weird or something, only thing that matters is the fact that im having good time. I can’t put my thoughts into words, they are so confusing.

I was thinking very long if I should post this or not, because I never shared these thoughts with anyone, im going bit offtopic too but thats what I have noticed while growing up, I’m just becoming more conscious about the question that is bugging me more than anything…

Why should I live?

I don’t expect answer that will satisfy me, or any answers at all :happy: If anyone else is struggling with this question pls share your thoughts.

I thought I’d post again since I was the person who started up the topic -lol- :grin:

Anyway, lately I’ve been having trouble finding who I am exactly. Around some friends I seem like one person, and around others, I feel like I different one. I feel like I need to fit in, and maybe others won’t accept me for who I truly am…and I guess that I"m just a little insecure right now. :shy:

Also, stress is a big thing. I stress about A LOT, and I’m already worrying about college when I’m just going to be a freshmen next year… :tongue: . :help: lol

[color=indigo]I noticed that about myself, too… I act completely in different mediums. I liked to be loud and funny with some people, quiet and thoughtful around others, et cetera. The answer I found for myself was that, even though I showed traits at different times that seem contradicting, they were all just parts of myself I lived out in different surroundings. I liked being loud and quiet, funny and thoughtful. Don’t feel the need to pick just one of your personalities or attitudes in an attempt to label yourself.[/color]

i would say i agree with linko here… you arent a different person cause you act different sometimes… all you do is fit into the invironment… its just the way things are… im both romantic and funny… when im around guy friends im not romantic, id rather me funny then, if you see what i mean :content:

i know EXACTLY how you feel… and the answer for me became love… love is the feeling im staying alive for… loving another girl and being loved back is such an amasing thing that its worth living for, you say yourself that you have a girlfriend… you have to ask yourself, do you really love her? because the only thing i can think of when you have thoughts like this is that deep inside yourself you dont really love your girldfriend…

I feel like I’m not going to change at all as I become older. I am currently 16 and I have yet to actually yell at someone when I am upset. I’ve been told by a large amount of people that I’m an altruist, and I pretty much believe that. I think the only thing that will change about me is that I will start to work harder as I enter college, get a job, etc.

I am a kid at heart. I love cartoons. :happy:

Shikihe, I can’t tell you the meaning of life, but one things for sure, you’re not living to dwell on that question. I’ve asked myself similar questions many a time, as I’m sure most people had, but at the end of the day you’re never really going to get an answer to it. You have to give you own life meaning, no-one but you can choose what that meaning is.

[color=indigo]I didn’t think so either when I was younger. When older people would tell me that a year made a big difference at my age, I just thought they didn’t understand how grown up I thought I was. Maybe things will turn out different for you, but they were right… I feel like I’ve changed a lot even since I was just sixteen.[/color]

beyondpower and Jabbervock, thanks for your answers. I can’t say for sure if I love or don’t love my girlfriend, but it’s not new to me, I never kinda fall in love with girls. And Jabber you said something which was very profound to me, that I’m not going to live thinking about this question, only put it on the background and maybe get some answers for it later on.

But what comes to love, I think I never felt love. But maybe I sometime will -.- Thanks for your words they ment alot to me coz I didn’t think that kind of things at all 'coz I was too deep in my own thoughts.

I’m looking forward to the end of this. In high school, I’ve built a Wall high around me, I’m looking forward to pulling it down. Like the person I am outside of school is a cocky, funny, gentle person. Inside of school I’m an angry, mean, unhappy person. Like I find it so damn stifling to be in its environment. Like I’m an independent, creative person, and all my life I’ve been told what to do inside of school. It’s not like I haven’t learned anything, it’s just that everytime i’m in high school, it basically feels like my soul is dying. It just isn’t a good feeling.

lol, I’m not a woe is me type person, however. I get out in a a month and a half, and I figure thats about when my life starts. I want to be a writer. A Paperback Writer :smile:

[mod]edited…please read the forum guidelines :cool:[/mod]
:razz:

If I could give you a tip for growing up… Think from an early age what you want to do with the rest of your life. I mean, still have fun bein a teenager while it lasts but place a bit of importance on life after school. I never wanted to do anything I just wanted to bum around and party with mates. Now I’m 22 and I dont have anything really going for me, and I still couldnt tell you what I want to do with my life.

Dont end up working a sucky low paying job for the rest of your life. Find what you want to do with your life and find out what you need to accomplish it.

Here are a few things I’ve learned as I’ve grown older;

High school can be a downer if you let it, but hang in there. Post-Secondary education is where it’s at :cool:

Pick your friends wisely, because the friends you make now could be with you for a long time, so you may want associate yourself with, good, caring people.

Learn as much as you can. Growing up, you’ll have time to learn, so take advantage of it. Also, remember to think for yourself. Society has a way of trying to get you to think like everyone else, but it’s important to always think clearly and reach your own conclusions, come up with your own ideas, etc.

Don’t let adulthood kill your inner child!!:yes:

Finally, explore some possibilities for what you want to do for your life. I know, this can be hard, so my advice is to try to pick something that allows you to be dynamic. This is where the benefits of College/University become apparent. Also, keep in mind that if you grow up and don’t enjoy your job, you can always find another job when the opportunity presents itself, so don’t let the burden of deciding what to do with the rest of your life get you depressed, because it’s very likely you won’t be doing the same thing your whole life anyway :smile:

"I feel like I’m not going to change at all as I become older. I am currently 16 and I have yet to actually yell at someone when I am upset. I’ve been told by a large amount of people that I’m an altruist, and I pretty much believe that. I think the only thing that will change about me is that I will start to work harder as I enter college, get a job, etc.

I am a kid at heart. I love cartoons. :happy:"

Me too. When I read that, it felt like I was reading my own post.

What can I say… :content:

I have started realizing everyoen wants to fit in so they will follow whatever trend it is. That is why i have started noticing more emos.

I have also noticed that in high school more people have been getting into drugs and more people try to pressure me into trying these things. I am strong enough to resist but i see that more and more people i knwo are falling under peer pressure and turn against me when i try to make them realize they are stronger than everyone talking them into it. Also i have become more frustrated with the people who are falling under this pathetic influence and im grwing apart from everyone i was once close with. i dont need people who refuse to try to think for themselves.

I have begun to notice that alot of my girlfriends(Who are friends) kiss me without really meaning anything bye it and they dont care about who they kiss and flirt with. it is really stange cause it really messes with my head. also i just started to realize that if i cant change myself then i may end up bein alone for a lot longer than i want. Yeah so i have had alot more realizations then this…

:hugs: Skeedlz

Being the only one standing up is ahrd and frustrating !

“The last man standing” might look poetic , but is hell

Dreamer-chick i truly understand what you mean. i have barely known myself lately i feel so torn and like ablackness within me is growing.

Growing up, I think anyway, all depends on the range of your experiences and confidence in handling new situations. When I started hanging out with my closed friends a lot more, like middle-high school time. They started onto things that even kids in highschool don’t think about.

I am a very smart person as compared to them, the kind who like to party and never do work. After going through all this I feel worn out and tired. I try to hang out with other people but I see all the flaws in what they are doing. I try not to judge because I know it isn’t right but it isn’t like I can avoid it.

As I get older I see its interactions that change us. Like in my case, from birth to 5 years old I was on the run from the police with my family. The next five years I lived in poverty with my single mom. And the last six years has been filled with anguish of all kinds, mental instability, and my friends’ bullshit.

Even with all this I have become very successful in school, becoming very healthy(mentally and physically), and have began using dreaming to better myself and the actions I take.

Sorry for the long post but maybe it will help someone somewhere.

Wow Jesserevis…

I am glad your getting better that is good to hear.
Yes i think ti will help someone. I think that could help someone to realise no matter how dark t get the sun shines eventually and it is worth the wait of it all.

I have also noticed that i try not to judge people and their faults, cause no matter what i realise i too am no where near perfect.

Keeping healthy with stress levels and hormones and refusing sexual temptations is the biggest challenge i have noticed while growing up. It is getting harder and harder to not have sex. @.@, my body really wants it, and i feel like giving in…