I think I’ll ask if she wants to get something eat after school.
That way I can skip sonmething like a coffe shop and still talk to her, I don’t wanna be her friend though…I wann stay away from the friend zone but I get what your saying
She doesn’t drink coffee. I would recommend you ask her if she wants to see a movie. The girl will say yes, don’t worry about it.
I thought this thread was going to be another Geico advertisement too!
Get her ADAP* and jump straight to kissing. Problem solved 
*As Drunk As Possible
No, seriously i think shy girls are a little hopeless, especially since I’m also very shy. Imagine this conversation:
Me: Um h-hi?
Shy Girl: Hello…
Me: Eh…
Shy girl: …
Me: …
And it’s hard to tell if she likes you or not, because if she does she will be to shy to show it rightaway, and if she dislikes you she will be to shy to show that as well. Also, she might say no even if she likes you, just because she finds it a little scary being asked out.
This sounds great. Tell us how it worked
Well, I think I may have been the last person to post a legit post trying to get help with a girl (I’m pretty sure but I may have missed one).
I’ll say a few things then share a little story just so you know I’m not just throwing BS at you. Trust me my story is true(wouldn’t want to make up something that bland).
Asking her out for coffee is a very good idea. I’m also 18 and its not “iffy” going for coffee. Just try to find a cozy little cafe rather than a Starbucks. Its pretty neutral, unlike a candle light picnic, so she should be pretty relaxed and not to nervous. I wouldn’t suggest going for dinner and/or a movie because its definitly more datish and if she is shy it will put her on edge, and burn a larger hole in your pocket 
Plus people tend to get pissy if you talk through a movie. 
And remember you don’t have to pay. You’ll offer to pay and she’ll say oh no I couldn’t let you. What happens next is up to you. You can insist or . . . not.
I wouldn’t try to tell her it was just to talk about LD’ing, women are usually pretty good at interpretting body language, and already realizes that you have more on your mind that just talking dreams.
Funny you should mention that. . . (too bad thats another [better] story 
)
So story:
Called her up, set up a time to meet at a coffee shop by my house. I get there a little early, find out the place is closed. I was all WTF! a coffee shop closed on a Sunday afternoon?!! So I sit outside and wait. She’s a little late. We head to a local Starbucks. I say “Wow my first time in a Starbucks.” I end up having to explain that one. I’m not much of a coffee drinker. Turns out neither is she. So we head to a local bar insead. We end up sitting on the patio talking until I started getting sunburned, and we still know like nothing about each other. So we start asking a bunch of absurd questions about each other until the bill comes around. Gee, what’s your favorite color? Oh yea I was a gentleman, at least when it came to paying. It was kinda windy so I had to weigh the bills down with a 41% tip 
i know i should read more of the posts in here but
"You could just let her know how you feel but say that “you want to become friends first” or whatever. Friendship isn’t scary, a relationship often can be. "
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
NOOOOOOO
Okay… I will first say that I don’t know much about relationships, but I have my experience, and I have other peopel’s experience… and I have ladder theory which I think tends to be true.
First of all, this is the biggest mistake you can ever make.
Right now neither of you have anything to lose.
If you hold off on your emotions, and she holds off on her emotions, but you two become friends, this puts you in a very bad boat.
I.E. you don’t know what the hell she feels about you, and she probably doesn’t know what the hell you feel about her.
Now whether you like each other or not, you are now friends, you are very worried that if you ask her out, this will jeopardize the freindship if she says no, or she feels the same way.
This leads to the “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” crap… it’s a horrible thing to hear, and it becomes mentality for both sides… chances are, if she likes you SHE ALREADY LIKES YOU… if you wait too long that throws all sorts of mixed signals into the field and complicates things.
It’s best to be upfront about that stuff… for example with me being the shy one, I liked her forever but didn’t know a damn thing about relationships, and she sent mixed signals… when I finally told her (after months) we were already “just friends”
now girls think they can be “just friends” with a guy, even if he likes her… but in reality that just results in much heartbreak/sorrow for the guy, as he wants more… if the girl doesn’t, she is going to end up manipulating him (as he will do outlandish things for her that he wouldnt’ do for just a friend, in attempts to win her over, and waste tons of money on her)
so you basically end up in a relationship where you do all the things people that date do, and you WASTE TONS OF DAMN MONEY, but you don’t get any affection, etc… in return.
I do not know how this applies to a chick that likes a guy, is friends with him, then they decide to become friends due to uncertainty of each others feelings, then when they are friends she likes him a lot but doesn’t know what to say and doesn’t want to jeapordize ending the friendship… but I’d imagine it’s much the same.
Please… the most important thing you can do is not deny your feelings, if you don’t know her very well just say “hey i’d kind of like to maybe get to know you would you like to go _____________ and talk a while?” and then if that goes well… go ahead and play it out for a few more “dates” no more than 3-4 I’d say… if she seems to be opening up, seems to at least like you as a person, that’d be the time to say “i kind of like you” or something… let it be known you like her for more than just someone to talk to… you are interested in more.
If you push it too far (maybe after 2 dates would work) you’re going to end up in a friendship trap where things get screwed up.
everyone should seriously read that, there are exceptions, but not many… relationships are very much biologically and socially predictable… women want status, they want money, and they want support… men have been “providers” for a damn long time.
men on the other hand, just want action, basically…
there are many other wants out there but those two things ultimately sum up the male/female desires, I do believe… aside from just wanting love/companionship, women want financial support… status… security…
and well… just read ladder theory, it is extremely true during the HS days and it’s still largely true in the real world.
I firmly believe that a guy and a girl cannot be friends if the guy likes the girl… it just causes problems… and i don’t know about how it goes on the girl side of things… but.
The goal to a healthy relationship is being upfront and discrete with your feelings, not delaying them… not playing word/mind games… give her a test date or two, if she seems at least mildly interested, tell her how you feel.
Do not play it out for a friendship or things get awkward, confused, and screwed up.
Please do not do that. I can almost guarantee a friendship will not work if you like her and she doesn’t like you… then you end up developing an obsession over her, you love her, you run endless scenarios thruogh your head wondering why she wont’ love you… it tears you apart, you’d kill just to be able to hold her close to you, but she won’t allow that… and why? WHY?
It drives a man mad… it’s not good. If she doesn’t like you and you want to be friends with her you need to find another girl to obsessed with, convince yourself she is ugly, or get a girlfriend.
holy reality, you have some great points (as always) but I don’t think you’re necessarily dead-on with the whole “friendship” thing. True, having it be labeled a “friendship” can make it stressful for the guy who is WAY more into the girl than she is into the him. But by being friends, you KEEP A DOOR OPEN which allows the girl to get to know him better and truly assess her feelings. People change all the time and it is quite possible “being friends” would allow her to go beyond that level. I’m not saying it works out this way every time (and I know it often works out the way you stated), but it still is a possibility and is capable of happening. Especially in Sleepy’s case. This is an extremely shy girl. She most likely has never dated before and feels awkward with that type of thing. Being friends can often disarm a person. Being comfortable first but still knowing how the other person feels might lead to a “relationship” which is the main goal anyway. I’m a girl, so I know how girls think. My ideal “match” is the guy who was first my best friend and then my boyfriend. I think most females are just mushy that way. We want a strong connection and a support base before we invest in anything more.
Sleepy, please tell us how it goes and again, Good Luck!
sno_isulli:
Don’t you think she’ll catch on pretty quick that he’s considering her for more than a friend? It’ll be pretty obvious unless he sends some seriously messed signals. When you were just friends with you current boyfriend didn’t you have even a rough idea that he liked you?
If you’re spending time together, having fun, getting to know someone, with the knowlegde that it could be leading to a relationship, isn’t that just casual dating? Or do you not consider it that until the first move is made and reciprocated?
holy reality:
You make a good point that you shouldn’t try friends first but that site is full of copious amounts of BS. I read the whole thing, and it would have lowered my IQ but he used big words to try to trick us. At least we know the author owns a dictionary.
From the Site:
I’d say he’s a love scorned math science major, with no personality.
Firstoff, I don’t mean for him to act like he ISN’T interested in her, but let her know he is taking it slow for her sake. Of course she would pick up on his true feelings (people are perceptive–God, I hope so!), but by knowing that he cares enough to keep things simple or whatever at first, it may be more of a draw then just him saying, “Yeah, I’m interested in you so let’s start dating, okay?” Secondly, I don’t have a boyfriend but was just saying that best friend THEN boyfriend would be the way I would want things to go. (Call me old-fashioned.)
I agree with what you said about “casual dating” cause that’s what it would be. So I guess it comes down to definition of words: “Friendship” to me could be interpreted as both friendship AND casual dating, it just depends on the context. (Sorry for the confusion.)
Now that I’ve put in WAY more than my two cents, I plan to say goodbye to this thread and hope Sleepy has success with his, er, feat!
I’m going to ask her out to eat after school on tuesday since I’m busy monday. On monday I’m just going to start a convo starting off with asking what her name is(I never did find out since we used fake names in spanish class).
EDIT: maybe monday…if possible
On the subject of shy girls, I have noticed that some think that the best way to send their ‘signals’ is by talking about certain subjects with the boy. Like for example she might tell him that she is single, or that she’s not gay (lol). I guess that’s practical thought.
Once had a conversations with a couple of girls, about a boy they had to spend some time with:
Girl1: Grrr, it’s so annoying, I don’t know what to talk about.
Girl2: Yeah…
Me: Talk about the weather or something?
Girl1: Done that, then what? It’s unbearable.
Me: But, talk about anything. I mean you always talk about stuff all the time…
Girl1: But I can’t talk about anything personal or he would get the wrong idea.
Girl2: Yes, he would.
Me: Ha ha. Ookaay…
damn i have been there man, that is when you know that you two are not the right type for each other, if you cover all the bases and nothing hits off, well either you push it and keep trying and get a lucky subjuect off random…like ugboots 
orrrrrr you pull back from pushing to much. Unless you are a stalker, wonder why that came to my mind.
Anyway keep us up to date, make sure she doesnt see these posts tho
I wouldn’t recommend that at all! Movies, for shy girls, are too intimidating. A nice coffee at Starbucks is much more origional and nice. You can talk while drinking coffee and she’ll feel more comfortable than sitting silently in a dark room with you watching horror of all horrors 13 going on 30! Do her a favor, save the movies till later on in your relationship
Sleepy: Hey i had this really weird dream that triggered off low-level lucidity last night.
ShyGirl: Cool
Sleepy: I was with you in a chose preferable location and i asked you out, this kinda triggered low-level lucidity because i daren’t actually ask you out even though i want to.
Shygirl: …
Sleepy: Anyways want to * with me sometime?
What would be the chance she is actually a member of this forum? hehe. You should invite her here since she is interested in Lucid Dreaming, she might stumble on this post and realise it’s you. Just a thought 
Thats actually a good idea!!!
Before I ask her out to get something to eat, I’ll mention the forums. 
Just a thought maybe you shouldn’t mention the forums what with it containing this thread. 
What would be really cool is if she did start posting here and came across the thread and offered her own advice. If it all worked out for them, it would be one of the coolest “how we got together” stories. 
Are you sure that’s such a good idea? She could probably figure it out without much trouble. Your location says Chicago, and if you mention the forums the same day that this thread says “I’ll mention the forums to this girl I know…”
Danger! Danger! 
lol true that.
i wouldnt mention the forums yet, well not at least for a few days when this thread dies after we stop posting otherwise i am sure she will find it lol. but hey, just have to be carful how forward you are with the shy ones, just play it smooth and into what they like and you will be fine, be too strong though and she will go running. what does she do with her spare time anywayz?
Well yes but the problem therein lies that women expect guys to make the first move, but if a guy is ‘just friends’ with a girl, he gets rather confused… and so does the girl… and plus then there aren’t boundaries set… for example, you might devastated if your best male friend suddenly got a girlfriend, but hey, YOU ARE JUST FRIENDS, so why can’t he?
That’s why you need to establish fairly early on into it that there is interest in MORE than being friends…
This doesn’t mean you do it on the first date, it might mean “hey i like you, let’s get to know each other” and so you both know there is potential for going out there, and that you both have interest… and THEN if you become “friends” to a degree, that’s a sign that you are compatible and you can start being exclusive, so we don’t see broken hearts and cheating and miscommunication and misunderstandings going on.
But if a girl EVER says “let’s be friends first” or “let’s just be friends” or “I kind of just think of you as a friend” that equals YOU HAVE NO CHANCE WITH ME… in guy terminology, whereas, the girl might not mean that… so it causes a lot of problems.
Now this girl might not have had a relationship before, but I still think it’d be okay for him to simply let her know that he likes her, but it’s okay if they want to take things slow and get to know each other and stuff… and if she agrees… that is great… you build up a sort of “friendship” while understanding that you are both open immediately for it to be more.
But you know, if you don’t have a mutual understanding (in CLEAR WORDS) that you like each other, then it can cause problems.
That’s what I think I was trying to say… I don’t know a lot here, but well I have learned a little bit from psychology classes (we didn’t really study relationships per se) but that paired with my observations and my experience lead me to believe it’s good to right away (but not too strongly) tell the person you have interest in them.
and I think a great way would be “Hey, you know… I kind of like you… and I’d like to get to know you better.” and see what the response is.
… or something.
/me wants a woman.
and since I am horribly shy and extremely socially inept… I’d say that if some girl managed to talk to me a bit, and we had something in common (lucid dreams) and she went ahead and asked me out… I’d be mega relieved… now I might think it a bit weird and I might be like “umm… okay… maybe… but I need to know you better first… we need to talk more… but yeah, I could see that as a possibility if we click”
I wouldn’t say it like that… it’d be more like “… um… uhh… cough uhmm… well… clears throat…” but… I’d eventually convey the same meaning.
i dont agree with that, i am a guy and i dont think that at all. I do psych and have studied that in class as well, i get what you mean but i think it is unfair statment to say guy talk. Read there body lang as well.
i know that statment is kinda like i dont wannna b with you but there may be a more to it then, u cant get with me. waht about family things, maybe she aint lookin atm or maybe she has a bf already.
Reading body lang is the one of most imporant things that you can do in a converstaion, if she crosses her arms leans back on one leg and says that, use your own judement, if she is placed open, well your choice