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Posts: 16700
Joined: 11 Aug 2003
Last Visit: 16 Jul 2018
LD count: 49 LDs so far
Location: Lancashire England.
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| the BIG Jokes topic Part II |
 Posted: Sun 21 Aug, 2005 |
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<mod> Post all jokes and funny stuff in here. Please don't post a joke as a separate topic in the forum. It will be locked and directed to this one. Thank you
This is a split topic Part I can be found here CLICK
The xxx jokes have been removed. Jokes do not need to be xxx to be funny.
This also counts for tasteless jokes. <mod>
Current LD goal(s): 6 LDs per year * ND goals - actively incubate interesting/fun dreams
Link to My DJ: www.ld4all.com
Last edited by moogle on Tue 12 Apr, 2011; edited 3 times in total
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Posts: 46
Joined: 09 Aug 2005
Last Visit: 24 Feb 2008
Location: In my dreams
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| Posted: Mon 22 Aug, 2005 |
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2 muffins are in the oven. 1 says to the other "man, its hot in here!" The other replys back "Holy $^&! a talking muffin!!!"
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27 |
Posts: 1274
Joined: 06 May 2005
Last Visit: 23 Dec 2016
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Sun 28 Aug, 2005 |
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In the army, a private went to the sarge's office and asks "Why weren't you with us and ate in the cafeteria?" Then the sarge bursts "Oh $&|@!! My watch stopped! THen he ran down and hammered on the door "Lemme in! Lemme in! My watch stopped!!" Then the cook inside replies "Waddya think this is? A clock workshop?"
Last edited by Cid Silverwing on Sat 01 Oct, 2005; edited 1 time in total
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61
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Posts: 16700
Joined: 11 Aug 2003
Last Visit: 16 Jul 2018
LD count: 49 LDs so far
Location: Lancashire England.
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| Posted: Sun 28 Aug, 2005 |
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Q Why did the chicken cross the road, roll over in the dirt and then cross the road again?
A Because he was a dirty double crosser 
Current LD goal(s): 6 LDs per year * ND goals - actively incubate interesting/fun dreams
Link to My DJ: www.ld4all.com
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Posts: 4016
Joined: 25 Apr 2005
Last Visit: 02 Aug 2010
LD count: 183+
Location: Lala Land, o' course! LDs: 183
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| Posted: Sun 28 Aug, 2005 |
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Posts: 212
Joined: 21 May 2002
Last Visit: 01 Sep 2005
Location: somewhere
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| Posted: Mon 29 Aug, 2005 |
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a husband and wife are pulled over by a cop on the highway and the cop says "do you know how fast you were going?" and the wife says "10 over the speed limit officer" the husband then says to his wife "be quiet okay!". the cop then points out his broken tail light and asks him when he was going to get it fixed and the husband responds "it just broke today. im going to get it fixed now" and the wife says "oh, that tail light has been broken forever and we aren't going to fix it today" "SHUT THE &*#@ UP!" grunts the husband. The cop said he was going to let them off but before leaving he asks the mans wife "does your husband always talk to you like that maam?" and she replies "only when hes drunk"
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Posts: 4016
Joined: 25 Apr 2005
Last Visit: 02 Aug 2010
LD count: 183+
Location: Lala Land, o' course! LDs: 183
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| Posted: Thu 01 Sep, 2005 |
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 Never heard that one before! 
- I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
- Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
- How to tell if you're driving too fast...
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Posts: 287
Joined: 01 Aug 2004
Last Visit: 19 Jan 2018
Location: Sydney, Nova Scotia
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| Posted: Sun 04 Sep, 2005 |
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-What's the difference between roastbeef and peasoup?
anyone can roastbeef.
Here are some jokes that I have but they may offend, PM if you want to hear the punchline. And that Muffin joke, my friend came up with that joke in 2000 and sent it to an online company for a joke contest and he won the contest.
Here, I'll just tell the jokes and PM me for the punchline
-Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
-What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
To the mod, these jokes are not "xxx" but some may consider them in poor taste, which is why I'm not posting them. If you feel that they are too bad then just PM me and I'll edit the post(or you can do it)
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27 |
Posts: 1274
Joined: 06 May 2005
Last Visit: 23 Dec 2016
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Sun 11 Sep, 2005 |
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What happened to the swedish guy who ate crabs for dinner?
He did the famous side-ways crab-dance...
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Posts: 4016
Joined: 25 Apr 2005
Last Visit: 02 Aug 2010
LD count: 183+
Location: Lala Land, o' course! LDs: 183
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| Posted: Fri 30 Sep, 2005 |
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Know what tomorrow is? Friday! Not Boilday, not Bakeday, FRY-DAY! 
That was SOOOOOOOOO lame...
Here's another...
A guy through a football at a woman. He said he was making a 'pass' at her. 
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Qupresent in silence
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45
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Posts: 10906
Joined: 05 May 2002
Last Visit: 16 Jul 2018
LD count: lost uhm lots
Location: behind you
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| Posted: Fri 30 Sep, 2005 |
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what about a french pastor joke wolb? too weird you posted a joke in this topic when i dreamt of you telling jokes.
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28 |
Posts: 2380
Joined: 04 Sep 2005
Last Visit: 13 Mar 2016
LD count: 5ish
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Fri 30 Sep, 2005 |
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Heard of the two musicians and the drummer who walked into a bar ?
Any drummers here ?
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49 |
Posts: 2446
Joined: 18 Aug 2004
Last Visit: 13 Nov 2014
Location: Massachusetts USA
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| Posted: Mon 03 Oct, 2005 |
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Okay, this isn't really a joke but it's the closes I can come to one.
For those culturally sensitive, I am proud of my culture and ancestry but sometimes funny is just that. Funny
>This is not to insult or offend our culture. >
>
>WHY LATINOS CAN'T BE TERRORISTS............
>
>1. 8:45 am is too early for us to be up.
>
>2. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.
>
>3. Pretty people on the plane distract us.
>
>4. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
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>5. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
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>6. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons
down.
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>7. We would ALL want to fly the plane.
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>8. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
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>9. We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before
doing
>it.
>
>MY FAVORITE.....
>
>10. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.
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Posts: 55
Joined: 25 Oct 2005
Last Visit: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Laputa (UK) Age: 15
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| Posted: Fri 28 Oct, 2005 |
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"I allways knew my mother hated me as a child, my bath toys were toasters and radios..."
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A man had three daughters, he is in the lounge one day and the eldest daughter walks in and asks
"Daddy, why did you name me Rose?"
"Because a rose petal fell onto your head when you were born" he replied
"Oh, okay then~" she responded and skipped out of ther room.
The second daughter comes in, her name is Teabag, she says:
"Daddy, why am I called Teabag?"
"Because your uncle dropped a teabag onto your head when you were born" he replied
"Oh, right.." she responded and walked out.
The third daughter enters, her name is Brick and she says:
"FaaUNGOOg"
(Sorry if that joke offends anyone..)
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27 |
Posts: 1274
Joined: 06 May 2005
Last Visit: 23 Dec 2016
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Fri 28 Oct, 2005 |
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What was the "FaaUNGOOg" for?
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