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How did you tell them?

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dreamer_chick
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How did you tell them?
PostPosted: Sun 11 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

hi everyone. maybe people are getting tired of my love poems and talking about it so much LOL. But I'm really wondering a lot about 'love' lately....

well, i was wondering, when you had a crush that you like A LOT, how did you tell them your feelings? See, I'm confused on what to do, because I'm not usually one to do something in which I can get rejected. sadblauw But my friend explained it this way. If they never know, then you have a 0 percent chance of going out with them. But if they do know, you're chances are 50 50. My life is kinda a closed book (there's been a lotta tragic stuff that's happened in my family- but that's a whole other story) so sometimes I have a hard time expressing how I feel towards other people. But I think that I've made a lotta progress lately of being more open towards other people.
But he's dropped subtle hints...i think. He's a really shy person, so it's hard to read him too. lol. There's quite a few people that think I should ask him out...but I'm afraid. Of what....getting rejected I suppose. sadblauw I like him so much...and I'm really afraid of risking my chance with him. I've never had a BF before...so I don't really know how to go about this stuff lol!
So I was wondering, what are some ways that YOU have expressed your feelings towards your crush? I'd love to hear from y'alls!


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defalim
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PostPosted: Sun 11 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

Well, here's how I can help you:

1) I don't ever think it's a good idea to tell someone how you feel if you really like them. However, this may be my experience as a male. It's not so much that you have to give up hope, just don't go up to them and say, "You know, I've been working up the courage to say this for a long time, and it means a lot to me, so don't say anything back if you don't want to.....". The best approach, at least for guys, is to just ask your crush out. Don't bleed your feelings all over the floor in front of them. Just say, "Hey, how would you like to go out/do something sometime?" That avoids all the potential awkwardness of actually spilling your guts, because the person won't be weirded out around you. If they say no, you just shrug and say to them, "Okay." in a completely cavalier manner. That way they don't think it's any big deal. Inside and at home you can be dying and moping around that they turned you down, but as long as you act normally in person, chances are nothing'll get weird between you. If he really likes you back, he'll jump at the opportunity to go out with you. And if not, he'll just say no, and then it'll be over. The key is to NOT MAKE IT AWKWARD. If you come up to him acting all nervous and shy with a huge buildup, it's going to be awkward. So just don't do that.


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dreamer_chick
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How did you tell them?
PostPosted: Sun 11 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

Good idea. wink That way it's not awkward. I'm really bad at not making things awkward sometimes .

or....should I wait for HIM to ask ME? Do guys ask people out that much? or is it usually the girls who have to make the first move? (I'm totally clueless here help! )

So what do you guys think about the whole 'asking people out' thing? (I would like some female opinions too! lol)


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PistGurl
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PostPosted: Sun 11 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

It's sometimes good...sometimes bad to let people know how you feel.

If you know the person as a friend..it should be ok...and if it isn't...then you haven't really lost much, because what kind of friend would let good feelings ruin a friendship?

Wait for a non-awkward, but private moment...and just go for it...

When people say it to me, I prefer them just to be totally blunt...no messing around...I couldn't deal with any "I...um...er.." crap. xD

Or "I don't know exactly how to say this"...well...go figure out what you're gonna say and THEN say it...don't test it on me. o_O;

But it's different for everyone...but remember...if you get rejected nicely...at least they know...and you know you're close enough to not let it ruin anything. If you get rejected harshly...then they weren't good enough to go out with in the first place. =/


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Genki
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PostPosted: Sun 11 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

Interesting the topic cause I just asked my crush out, for the 97th time, but now we'll go out!(there's always a problem stopping it).
Well, I have no idea how I will 'tell her', I'll just act normally, talk to her, and, if an oportunity comes, I'll just say that I like her(not just "I like you", of course =P).


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defalim
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Re: How did you tell them?
PostPosted: Sun 11 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

dreamer_chick wrote:

or....should I wait for HIM to ask ME? Do guys ask people out that much? or is it usually the girls who have to make the first move? (I'm totally clueless here help! )


In my experience, at least, outgoing guys will do whatever they feel like doing in order to get you to go out/sleep with them. However, shy guys will wait until they have undeniable proof that the girl who they like likes them back before asking them out. Therefore, if this dude of your's is a timid one, unless you throw out completely obvious signs (and I'm talking insanely obvious, not 'girl' obvious (because men are oblivious)), it'll take him forever to ask you out.

IMO, you're better off either throwing out signs all over the place that are actually obvious TO MEN, or asking him out yourself. But, I can understand that you'd want female perspective on the issue as well, so I don't necessarily expect you to take my advice.


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Jack
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PostPosted: Sun 11 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

Some guys prefere to be ones that lead the way,some find it nice if asked.Middle would be best then- "would you like a cofee/party/dance" simple kind of question that lets him know you`re interested.Then its up to his answer i guess.
Nothing wrong in being interested but noone likes insisting either.Just question of balance.
Good luck:)


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Fiver
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Re: How did you tell them?
PostPosted: Mon 12 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

defalim wrote:

If this dude of your's is a timid one, unless you throw out completely obvious signs (and I'm talking insanely obvious, not 'girl' obvious (because men are oblivious)), it'll take him forever to ask you out.


I have absolutely no advice, seeing as how I'm terribly bad at all of that(see Embarassing moments thread), but I would like to ask, what are the signs? See, most guys have no way of knowing, and if you could tell us, it may help with things.


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dreamer_chick
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PostPosted: Mon 12 Dec, 2005  Reply with quote

Allright...signs...hmm .

Okay, it's kinda a long story. (you can read it in the 'Embarrassing moments in the classroom' thread.)

BEFORE that all happened, we had a huge history project in which we constructed colonial buildings out of pasta. (don't ask grin ) Anyway, It was before Thanksgiving break, and we got to talk a lot throughout the project. I learned a lot about him, and I think that he learned a lot about me....but signs....I'm not really sure. This guy is kinda hard to read, because he's usually really shy. But smiling...occasional laughing, making jokes about our other group member (but thats a whole other story!). But it's kinda hard to tell, because I never knew him very well before the project. But I felt like we shared a lotta things over our project.

So then, everybody is asking me who I like. But this kid is usually pretty shy. So he asked my friend, emily, and my brother who I liked. And he wasn't doing it in a teasing way....kinda in a serious way. And he doesn't usually get involved with gossip, so some people think that he wants to know who I like....because he's interested in me. And I know that is based off of barely any proof....and I feel naive saying that he COULD like me neutral

Just...a lotta subtle hints. He's a subtle person. or wait....do you mean hints I'm giving him? Or him giving me. I'm REALLY bad with this relationship stuff help! . I'm probably just going to wait and see how this plays out (don't wanna sound too anxious), but then again...I don't wanna miss my chance with someone I really like... whatsthat


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