Not really jokes but, just funny anyway.
Car accident claim statements (real, for definite)
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road,
and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law,
and headed over the embankment
And, 22 things you should never say to a policeman
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I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
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Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
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Aren’t you that guy from the Village People?
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Hey, you must have been doin’ at least 120 mph to keep up with me…Good job!
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Didn’t I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?
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I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.
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I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
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Bad cop! No donut!
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You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
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Gee, Officer…that’s terrific…the last officer only gave me a warning too!
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Excuse me…is stick up hyphenated?
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Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s nightstand.
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Is it true that people become cops because they’re too dumb to work at McDonald’s?
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I pay your salary!
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So, uh, you on the take, or what?
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Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.
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Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
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I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that’s how far ahead of me they are.
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What do you mean, “Have I been drinking?” You’re the trained specialist.
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Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
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Hey, is that a 9 mm? That’s nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
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Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
Enjoy…