Insurance claim forms… These are real BTW.
“I STARTED to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”
“I PULLED into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised
the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket”
Q: COULD either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?
THIS customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on his claim
form were:
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn.
Q: What warning was given by other party?
A: Moo.
“I STARTED to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and a elephant
tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and
hit a bollard”
“ON approach to the lights the car in front suddenly broke”
“I DIDN’T think the speed limit applied after midnight”
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting, or any other pastimes of a
hazardous nature?
A: I watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry ***an.
“FIRST car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis run into
the rear of second car”
“WINDSCREEN broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo.”
“The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again”
“I PULLED away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
headed over the embankment”
“THE other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention”
“I COLLIDED with a stationary truck coming the other way”
“A TRUCK backed through my windshield into my wife’s face”
“A PEDESTRIAN hit me and went under my car”
“IN an attempt to kill a fly. I drove into a telephone pole”
“I HAD been shopping for plants all day and was on my home. As I reached an
intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the
other car”
“TO avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian”
“AN invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished”
“I WAS thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch
by some stray cows”
“MY car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle”
“I WAS on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint
gave way cause me to have an accident”
“THE pedestrian had no idea which way to run so I ran him over”
o I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found
that I had a fractured skull.
o I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the
road when I struck him.
o I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of
my car.
o The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a
big mouth.
o The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the
way when I struck the front end.
o I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had
an accident.
o The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I
hit him.
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
“I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.”
“When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.”
“The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.”
“No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.”
“I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.”
“The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.”
“I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.”
“The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.”
“My car got hit by a submarine.” (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.)
“I drove out of my drive straight into a bus… The bus was four minutes early.”
“Coming home from work, I turned into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven’t got.”
“I drove into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings”
“The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week”
“The pedestrian admitted the accident was his fault had he been knocked down before”