Okay, i had to revive this topic just for an excuse to go back through all my dream journals and pick out all the best ones:
[ND]guy (while holding a paper bag): I’m a secret cop. A tractor cop. I’m a secret tractor cop!
Me: Wow, our house is really yellow.
Dad: Yeah, either that or blue.
The faerie queen yells, “I used magic to turn parrots against her! Don’t worry, that one parrot is an actor.” (one of the parrots is bigger than the rest of them.) I run up to Rainbow Girl, who promptly punches me in the face and yells, “I am an acting master!”
“This pear is really small. It’s not very big either.”
“Watch out for the Devil Fish.”
“Man, I suck at cooking,” says another guy. “My next teacher is some french guy, and he’ll be like, ‘you are bad, and also muy tasty!’”
“This must be one of the males of the species,” says the mountain lion.
“I am not!” I say, a little annoyed.
MJ point up at the ceiling and says, “That kangaroo will die due to a situation.”
“College students are 20% more likely to eat 20 packages of ding dongs.”
“You know,” she says, “I’ve always wanted to - SPWAAAUUGHH!”
Suddenly a large green rhinoceros steps out. “Are you a rhinoceros?” it says.
“Well, we were trying, but we can’t do it,” we say.
“You WILL be a rhinoceros!” says the rhinoceros.
“I stopped shaving in protest,” says the woman. “And things just went on from there.”
“Sayonara, evil Vombog!”
“I’ve got an air gun tied to my foot. Sometimes I shoot it at my brother.”[/ND]
Oh, man, I know there are more but I don’t have time. I’m definitely coming back later for this.