I had one a while ago… (it actually sounded pretty normal, knowing who the DC was supposed to represent).
Me: Hey! Do you have any tips [about LDs] for me?
My friend: Yeah, man, it’s all about like… dreaming and stuff. Hey, it was great talkin’ to ya – I’m gonna go snipe some people, k?
I had to laugh about this one… a few seconds later, one of the annoying DCs that was running around in the grass just DROPPED 
.
i’ve had a few strange incidences. i got onto a bus at school and i questioned the teacher about the backseat. he said: ‘Oh, that’s for (something). Do you want to try it?’ and there’s nothing on the seat…
heres one that confused me: me and a friend running around school when we see someone on a walkway.
my friend: hi!
me: hi God!
also after dreaming a lot about things from DragonBall Z, i’m in my kitchen with my family. then for no reason i ask ‘Is it true that Bardock was my father and was good but really killed people?’ they all look at me and start talking about sugar
I had a dream about an old lady on the bus who was yelling about how humans have committed atrocities against the planet. When I argued with her she got me kicked off the bus. The bus driver told me I was lucky he didn’t bash in my teeth. Freaky!
I had a dream where a lecturer from my uni was the leader of a bizarre dictatorship that ruled over a kingdom of children. In the dream he was running a seminar reminding the children to “be kind”.
I had a dream that there were two versions of my aunt and one of them got annoyed that I was showing the other too much attention. When I got annoyed and left my brother offered to take care of it. As I left I heard him say, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth…”
That must be one amazing T-shirt! 
I walk up some wooden steps onto a deck.
A lady with a huge mouth walk out of nowhere…
Me:Uh…Hi.
Girl:I like harry potter!
Me:I’m not harry potter!
Girl approaches me “I like harry potter!”,
Then I run off because I’m freaked out. 
Wow… Just got another funny one… just a few nights ago!
I look at a plate that said “Reserved for Taylor Potter!”
I said, “Taylor Potter? You mean the wizard?”
My cousin replied, “Yepp, he’s coming!”
I looked at all the plates at the table being set up at a party, but not one was mine.
I still like the caffeine comment!
Dream many many years ago, set in my father’s apartment. I’ve been procrastinating for ten hours listening to something on his CD player. My dad comes home and says reassuringly, “You got bogged down doing pushups for the drill sergeant, right?”
More recent dream involving me and Sarah Jessica Parker floating in a sea off the coast of China.
SJP: What are we going to do now?
Me: Well, we’re not that far from Sri Lanka…
SJP: I don’t want to go to Sri Lanka! They don’t have any good shopping there!
Me: How do you know?
SJP: I’ve seen it on that detective show!
(I knew the reference right away. The capital of Sri Lanka is Colombo, so SJP was obviously referring to the lovable Peter Falk character.)
Wish I could think of more.
Scenario: Me and my dad in room with a bed the size of a matchbox mounted on wall.
Dad: It’s for your brother.
Me: Really?
Dad: I bet you could fit a prune on it! laughs insanely
It was a creepy dream that didnt make much sense
where surronding a man with bright red eyes who just has been arrested.
police: There has been a killing tonight
Me: Its not what you think he killed himself and transferred his soul into her
Man: I want her to Suffer as much as shes put me through
Police: Hes a soulless man
Man: She’ll be living the hell of a life that mine was (laughs madly)
When i woke up from this one i was pretty creep ed out
Okay, i had to revive this topic just for an excuse to go back through all my dream journals and pick out all the best ones:
[ND]guy (while holding a paper bag): I’m a secret cop. A tractor cop. I’m a secret tractor cop!
Me: Wow, our house is really yellow.
Dad: Yeah, either that or blue.
The faerie queen yells, “I used magic to turn parrots against her! Don’t worry, that one parrot is an actor.” (one of the parrots is bigger than the rest of them.) I run up to Rainbow Girl, who promptly punches me in the face and yells, “I am an acting master!”
“This pear is really small. It’s not very big either.”
“Watch out for the Devil Fish.”
“Man, I suck at cooking,” says another guy. “My next teacher is some french guy, and he’ll be like, ‘you are bad, and also muy tasty!’” 
“This must be one of the males of the species,” says the mountain lion.
“I am not!” I say, a little annoyed.
MJ point up at the ceiling and says, “That kangaroo will die due to a situation.”
“College students are 20% more likely to eat 20 packages of ding dongs.”
“You know,” she says, “I’ve always wanted to - SPWAAAUUGHH!”
Suddenly a large green rhinoceros steps out. “Are you a rhinoceros?” it says.
“Well, we were trying, but we can’t do it,” we say.
“You WILL be a rhinoceros!” says the rhinoceros.
“I stopped shaving in protest,” says the woman. “And things just went on from there.”
“Sayonara, evil Vombog!”
“I’ve got an air gun tied to my foot. Sometimes I shoot it at my brother.”[/ND]
Oh, man, I know there are more but I don’t have time. I’m definitely coming back later for this. 
Last night there was this random dude who appeared out of nowhere.
Me: “What did you eat in high school?”
Dude: “Burritos.”
Me: “Well this is my dream so it could have been anything.”
Dude: “That’s true.”
I was suffering from amnesia in this dream and this guy comes to me and says he’s my husband,he introduces this kid to me as his kid, i ask him if its my kid too, he says ‘i’m not sure’
I’m walking around the parking lot of a shabby estate I live near. Two people, a man and a younger woman, are having an argument about him sleeping with other women. It sounds like it’s happening in the distance.
Man: I love you. I’ll always love you.
Woman: Then why did you do this?!
Man: Because I loved them!
…and then a gong rings out and they go silent.
And also:
In a house…
Old Woman: Are you alright? Did something scare you?
Me: Yes
Old Woman: You needn’t worry!..You are dreaming after all.
(completely miss cue, and then she turns into a statue. Scared I walk outside, look up, and see pieces of Lego floating in the sky with this black fuzzy dusty stuff attached to it)
Me: Right you black s***! Do that again and I’ll f****** kill you!
My favourites out of that lot 
Those are great 
sounds like one of my friends when we have our random conversations/ is high 
You might have to read the dream to understand it but ANYWAYYS!
Me and my (?) DC girlfriend were inside an old abandoned convenience store holding apples while showing them every last candy there.
She yells, “THE APPLE IS GOING TO DIE!”
And I reply, “NO! THEY CAN’T! I PROMISED TO SHOW THEM AROUND THE WORLD! HURRY! HURRY!”
It was possibly the most random dream on Earth… xD
I dreamt that I was sitting on my friend’s couch and she walked in with her boyfriend and they both sat down by me… and I was all angry at them and jealous because they skipped out on me or something…
So I’m pouting and one of them tries to talk to me, and I say, “Whatever, it’s like a negative balloon.”
And then I start laughing hysterically for no reason until I woke up…
Personally I can’t remember any remember any amusing dialogue from my dreams. I don’t really remember much of what is said in my dreams, it’s the events that stay in my mind.
I think that one is quite funny, or the time I lifted up a street in a lucid dream, and threw it onto my brother. He said ‘You could also have trown a box on me, but no, Erik has to throw a whole street!’ 
Has anyone got more hilarious one-liners to spare? =P
A few excerpts…
There was a man running around what appeared to be a spaceship, pressing things, sending and recieving messages. He was talking to himself, and at one point said “Why is it like my dream? All I do in my dream is press switches, on and off, on and off!”
I had a flashback vision from the tortoise, showing the place where we were, but millions of years ago, before humans existed. There was a line of animals and dinosaurs, all following each other down a path. He said the following statement:
“People always depicted this place as filled with life, the sky teeming with flying creatures. In reality, there was only about a hundred of us.”
One of these girls had a tied shirt just covering her chest, and I couldn’t help but notice a slight “wardrobe malfunction” and she noticed, so she untied the shirt, showing her chest off, then tied it again. She did this a few times then she told me that I was cursed, because I looked.
Someone in my school was writing a letter to his other self, in the class I had gone to in Masachusetts. The letter said…
“Write your name down on this and hide it in your television. Do not let them find it.
Callum.
PS. Don’t forget.”
My feet scraped the top, and left a scratch, but otherwise I had cleared it! Pablo looked worried, and said something about the owner of the car getting angry at me. I just said “Ah, I don’t think he’s gonna notice”. At that point, a car came along and crashed into it.
Anyway, Somehow I manage to tip the bench over… vertically… so the other three people sitting on it all slide down and land on top of me.
Then we take a plunger gun and shoot it at his head. It shocks him and he falls of the building. I say “RPG!!!” as he falls.
(a bright orange rhinoceros is lying next to a resort pool)
DC: (is annoyed at a rhino being there and is using a ‘jedi mind trick’) You will move…
Rhino: (does nothing)
DC: (frustrated) I guess I’ll have to use one of Gandalf’s spells then…
(printed on a sign in bright red letters)
Warning! A Dreamsign is Near!