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Changing "too quickly" as a person because of LDs

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*Laurelindo*
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Changing "too quickly" as a person because of LDs
PostPosted: Wed 20 May, 2015  Reply with quote

I am not sure if this counts as an "off-topic" type of thread, because it is related to lucid dreaming but that's not really the main topic.
Anyway...

The thing is that I entered a program in Engineering Physics last year, and I noticed pretty quickly that several of my classmates seemed to like me.
The problem is that I had been very, very reserved for a few years at that point - basically, I pretty much never initiated any conversations with them and sometimes I even hesitated to say hi to them when I noticed them, but I always tried my best to be nice to them when they started talking to me.
However, I acted like this until perhaps in the middle of April this year, and by then it was pretty clear to me that a lot of my classmates had become more and more intimidated by me - they would give me a puzzled, stern look when they saw me and would seem pretty nervous around me, but at the same time they would often take the chance to talk to me if I was in an extra good mood.
Still, at this point I could clearly tell that I was considered "that difficult guy" in my class, someone that a lot of them were afraid to talk to since I had taken so little initiative myself (and yep, I had stayed away from every single "gathering" and party that they had arranged, except for those that took place in the very beginning last year right before the program had started).

It then occured to me that I could of course use lucid dreaming to practice these kinds of things, and arrange lucid dreams where I could actually practice approaching people, or even my actual classmates (as dream characters, of course).
So I made that my main intention and could easily stick to it, since it was very important for me to improve in this.
I eventually managed to get a few lucid dreams like this, and they gave me enough time to practice situations that were similar to the ones with my classmates - and I quickly noticed afterwards how much easier it became to be more "outgoing" around my classmates.
Of course I was still somewhat nervous, and I still had to make an effort, but my lucid dreaming practice had given me a great headstart and liberated me from the worst discomfort, so that now I could actually start conversations with my classmates and be fairly social around them - and it got easier and easier very quickly. and it started to feel amazingly natural as well.
And that, of course, was great.

The funny part about this, however, is that now it feels like a lot of them are even more puzzled and nervous around me nowadays, almost as if they are intimidated by me for not being reserved all of a sudden.
They don't exactly seem "uncomfortable", they just seem... clueless.
Of course, several of them have welcomed my social changes, but there are also those who seem very shy and careful.
And I don't think I appear to be "overacting" or anything, because I am not even acting, I really do feel much more at ease with them and I can start conversations with them and whatnot much more easily than just a couple months ago.

My question here is, do you think that I have changed "too quickly" from their perspective?
I mean, most of my classmates probably have no idea about the potentials of lucid dreams (the use of lucid dreaming for self-development is not exactly general knowledge tounge2), so it might appear strange to them that I have been able to change this rapidly.
Some people on other forums have even said that it might appear that I am mano-depressive, but I am not sure if I would agree about that.

What are your thoughts on all of this?


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Tggtt
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PostPosted: Wed 20 May, 2015  Reply with quote

Hi *Laurelindo*, I would just like to point that you don't need to LD to change yourself like that. It is possible to use your own imagination to think how things would develop depending on your actions.

There are a few hypotheses:

  1. You could be "overthinking" your situation there;
  2. Maybe they were puzzled because of some specific behavior you could be forcing/faking, not specifically about changing yourself as a whole;
  3. They could guess you are bipolar/monopolar, not that you *have* some kind of ability (LDing) for that.


Remember that you are dealing with different people who may like you more based on your natural behavior, not specifically because of what you have changed.

Click here to see the hidden message (It might contain spoilers)


For some specific reason I was reminded of this song. So long time ago, wow.


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Letaali
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PostPosted: Wed 20 May, 2015  Reply with quote

What are my thoughts? I think that's awesome. I have a similar experience. In my youth I was pretty outgoing and sometimes stupid. My stupidity led me into a bad group and into fights. I started hiding in my shell for about 3 years. A few times I tried to crawl out of there and people were kind, but I wasn't very confident in social situations. I missed most of the dances and parties that were a tradition at the end of high school, because I would have needed a dance partner at what not.

After high school ended I realized that I want to change. I want to be confident and say "yes" to things that put me out of my comfort zone. I lived like this for a year before I went to army. I did things that the "reserved me" would skip. In army I was put outside my comfort zone and held there until I got used to it. Mostly in the physical sense, but later in the army the mental aspect became bigger. I hadn't really pushed my body past it's limits before. It's all about keeping control over your mind. There's a voice that tells you to stop or back away. Then when you silence the voice and go past that limit, you find out that you can do so much more than you thought you can. It feels empowering. Just doing it will increase your confidence going forward.

So yes, I did it without LDs. One day I just thought to myself that I need to change and started acting like someone that I wasn't, but that soon became the new me.



Current LD goal(s): Reach the Frozen Planet
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Koharo
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PostPosted: Thu 21 May, 2015  Reply with quote

Although its fun to use lucids to overcome these things, it can be done without it. Unfortunately you may have changed up on them too fast, but it sure beats throwing a pity party.I think you caught them by surprise and it would take a while for them to get used to it, but in my opinion all that matters is the fact that you wanted change and took action. The setting where you act a certain way could impact their reaction as well. Their previous impression of you may be lingering with them causing some of them to act this way. First impressions do make a big impact, but if they shy away or never come around its their loss. Its good to see that you're getting out of your comfort zone, its necessary to grow as a person.

I had a similar situation to both you and Letaali. Over time I met social individuals who I could relate to surprisingly. They went through what I did at one point and helped open my eyes to some things that made me take a step back and rethink my ways. Come to find out I was pretty misguided and it caused me to miss out on multiple opportunities. It doesn't justify the some of the injustices I've experienced and witnessed, but I've learned to deal with it without as much negativity.
Reminds me of my Neku phase from The World Ends With You. Neku inspired the design of my original anime form.

I sometimes transition from being silent, stern, and lost in though to being loud and outgoing dancing around at parties. Sometimes to take the edge off the stern demeanor, I would do/say something quirky, hilariously awkward, or sarcastic/smart and smile. Sometimes just smiling helps. Combining that with my reserved/somewhat stern demeanor helped me transition at a more gradual rate.

Meeting new people is much easier, but when it came to being social with some individuals from my more reserved days its sometimes a bit of a hassle. It tends to be a knee jerk reaction to remain silent unless spoken to -working on that-.

At the end of the day find what works for you and find your happy medium as long as you're progressing/developing as a person.



Current LD goal(s): A man in a white room, very long dreads, he resembles me..He knows somethin..
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Petter
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PostPosted: Thu 04 Jun, 2015  Reply with quote

Just my two cents here, recently graduating from an engineering course.

Transitioning from high school to uni is a pretty big change. Perhaps especially for more reserved (in some ways) scienc-y people.

I became more "nerdy" with games and D&D and stuff. A girl I know became much more of a "girly girl", working part time in a dress store and, well, behaving differently than she did when I met her. Perhaps this kind of thing is more normal than you'd think kiekeboe

In short: I have no idea of what they might be thinking woo grin


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