That emptiness beyond purpose and meaning. What now?

As many here are familiar with me, I’ve always possessed an innate ability for overwhelming control in my dreams. Whether I be lucid or not, has never really changed this. There are very few times I’m just a random powerless individual in some random other world that falls victim to the atrocities that lie within it.

There was a point in my past (either a year ago, or two years ago… I’ve lost sense of time). That i was pursuing losing my control as it were. I wished to experience things on a different level than I was familiar with. Sure, lucid dreaming is enjoyable and fulfilling to people who don’t see that kind of thing often - to those who are trapped in this life as a powerless individual. We all are, but what differentiates some people is the importance of both life and their dreams.

For me, I’ve always been lost in that other place. Life has little registered for me as I was naturally attuned to all the potential and infinity that the dream world presents. This wasn’t just me falling into lucid dreams, or even sleeping dreams in general, no. This has been something that has plagued me since birth within every waking moment. Waking dreams that took me places I was not. Forced me to experience and be exposed to material and concepts that are normally restricted from the waking world. A “privilege” to some…

This has always been somewhat controllable to a point of not bothering me on a psychological level. Despite being diagnosed with an “issue” and how much of a struggle it has presented me in living a life in this world, I’ve for the most part been able to remain firm. I’m sure all the regulars on the board here that are familiar with me however have seen those times when that didn’t appear so. Yes, I’ve gone a little over the edge, but I’ve remained conscious about it and reasonable about it, or at least I believe so…

I’ve not been active on the site for the last year, and my dreams once at least fulfilling to a point have since lost that affect. My dreams have fallen to a point that nothing will happen unless I wish it to. There is nothing unexpected, adventurous, or thrilling about them at all. It has become to the point that it is no different than simply daydreaming, or writing a book. It happens how you write it.

I used to enjoy doing little things, like exploring, searching for people, etc. But for the last year I have done one thing only, and that is when I become Lucid, I look to the skies, find a star or something else in the sky, and off I go… Slipping through the ether, through space, towards that object to see what I will find… Because everything around me is strictly whatever I wish it to be. There is no practicing. There is no learning… There is no experimenting or trying out new things. If I want something to happen, it just simply happens… I’ve found some interesting things in the last year… Other places. Other existences with mechanics that are far different than our physical world here. I found an entire universe that was a form of liquid rather than space, with giant strands of living material that looked like centepedes, swimming across space, lightyears long…

However… My attunement to my subconscious has become so strong that none of this is possible anymore… Even in my normal dreams, when something happens that I don’t want it to, I simply rollback time a minute or so and have the dream replay how i wish it to. When I speak to DC’s, they say what I am expecting, rather than me being surprised. When I try to do things with DCs, I simply feel like i’m writing out their actions and on a certain level just simply giving them commands of my own… When I look to the stars and fly… I find myself writing out what I’m about to find, and sure enough, it is indeed what I see. There is no surprise anymore in anything I do. I literally feel myself writing the dream in the back of my mind so i know exactly what is going to happen at every given moment, and I can change it on the fly, or rewind time and give it an alternative playout, which then turns into the prior experience seeming like nothing more than a thought or a memory, that never happened. What if I attempt to halt my control? I do. This is something I can do as well… However when I do, the slate becomes blank. DC’s just stare at me with no reactions… The star i’m flying towards never gets closer… I write nothing, so nothing happens.

My dream world - of which used to be considered my realities. They were so real to me, have become nothing but programming to me. They’ve lost all meaning and purpose, and do not even flow out as stories any longer. They have no foundation, and hold no purpose, like an empty page in a story book… Yes… So I can rewrite my dreams how i see fit, in any way I wish, whether I want to or not. But why? What is the point?

I’ve lost my sense of purpose in everything. There was always little in life for me, and now dreams have become meaningless as well. Now I feel as though the entirety of existence is just a void with nothing meaningful in it. At this point I am not sure what to do. I’ve reached a point that there is nothing left to do. Nothing left to see, nor explore. And so i just bide my time by trying to remain as comfortable as possible until something presents itself to me.

Well, that was kinda heartbreaking to read.

Not being a natural lucid dreamer I can barely imagine what it must be like to have dream control so good that it becomes meaningless… so forgive me if this is way off target.

So, coming from the opposite perspective… dreams follow life. I’ve read posts from people desperate to control their dreams to escape from waking life problems. To me, that’s not solving the problem that’s evading it. With that thought in mind, and I know nothing about you so please don’t take this the wrong way, my suggestion would be to change your life, not worry about your dreams. Is your real life fulfilling? Happy? Or are you just on auto-pilot?

If lack of excitement in your dreams is leading to depression in life, then all I can suggest is to change something, try something new. Bring joy and excitement into life and the dreams will follow. Book that holiday to that place you always wanted to go. See it for real, not in a dream. If you’re not in love in real life, why not? Find someone that makes life amazing. If you’ve already found that person, confide in them, ask for their help, do something awesome.

Well anyways, as I said to start with, what do I know? Nothing. I hope you find a new purpose, Lumessence.

Thankyou for your response, and I certainly don’t see anything that needs be forgiven.

It’s true that life is severely lacking for me, but the roots of those issues are nothing I can control. It is like my dream world and real life are ying and yang in that sense. Full control in dreams, zero control in life… Regardless of what I do or how hard I try. I’ve tried making goals and pursuits, but they do not last long. I lose motivation or interest in them within a day… I’ve done what I can to try to make friends, but with both my inaccessibility of exposure along with my poor social ability, it’s a rougher challenge than it should be. I have only one friend that i see every two weeks or so, and that is simply because they run a get-together with other friends, and I’m a participant. We do nothing else outside of that.

Friends are something i’ve been severely lacking in, and I understand that. But again, i’ve tried to remedy that issue to no avail. I came to this community and the people here became my friends aswell as family. I feel that they felt the same, but regardless, those feelings only seemed to be site-wide. (Forum and chat).

I certainly do have some wonderful friends online… But at the same time, the virtual world feels like another dream to me, and is not enough attributed to real life. Nothing in my life seems to of any significance other than that my family cares about me. That is all. I sit in my room day in and day out, and go for walks around my area using Ingress as at least some minor motivation/goal, but I’m losing my drive to do even that.

But… meeting people? Even if i were to make friends, what would it do? I used to complain to people that i feel I had no companion or someone to show me importance in this world, and i’ve been attacked constantly about it. “You dont need someone else, and even if you had someone it wouldn’t help. You need to be happy with yourself before you’re happy with someone else!” I hated hearing that. Everyone telling me I needed to be happy alone first, knowing that that is not possible by the slightest. Because being with only myself keeps me in this void, and enforces the lack of meaning/purpose in anything at all.

Not only have i lost sense of purpose and meaning, but I’ve lost faith in the one thing I felt was the source of finding that meaning/purpose - people.

Overall though… Anything i could experience in this world i’ve already experienced in the dream world. Sure… they may have a different effect feeling/experiencing than in the real world, but at the same time those things that should be simple as a part of life, are not. Just like not being able to not control my dreams, I can’t even have the most simple things in life that everyone around me seems to have already. Strange how that works, isn’t it?

Life has never been fulfilling to me. And I don’t see that changing any time soon.

Right. Here’s something I do have experience with! As a socially awkward introverted computer geek, this is something I’ve struggled with myself.

I’ve got a challenge for you. Seven days. Each day, say on your walks, make eye contact and smile at one stranger. Now this is easier with old folks… By old folks I mean people who didn’t grow up in an online world and probably aren’t walking around with their face buried in their mobile phone.

If you’re feeling brave, take it to the next level and say a simple “Good morning/afternoon/evening”. That’s it. Nothing more. Simple, right?

Trust me, everyone else is too self-absorbed and lost in their own little world of problems, they will not think twice about you saying hullo. Social skills are like a muscle and just like keeping fit, this is something you can practice in small simple ways. So, will you do it? Just seven days…

Actually my social complication is due to my inability to remain consciously aware of my surroundings. Unless people make the effort to speak to me and show any interest in actually wishing to maintain a social connection, there’s no grounding. Aswell as the fact that they need to provide a foundation for me to connect and communicate with on. Meaning… I can’t speak about life things, and that is pretty much what everyone talks about. So all i can usually do is smile and nod.

It is not about being socially insecure. That used to be a problem, but all those years (lifetime) of being socially tutored, aswell as all the friends i’ve made online has gotten me past that. It’s just that I simply have no grounding and most people will dismiss me on a dime due to that.

Okay so I jumped to the wrong conclusion there, sorry. That actually sounds fascinating… so you’re dreamwalking in the day and hyperaware at night/dreaming? The opposite of most of us pursuing lucid dreaming. What have you tried in regards to raising your waking awareness?

When you mention talking about life things, what do you mean by that? You’re clearly very eloquent at expressing yourself in writing. Admitedly when people make small talk about popular tv and celebrities i end up smiling and nodding due to not having a clue what they’re on about.

You mentioned a group yhat you meet regularly is it possible for you to extend your social circle via that? Are they people in a similar situation?

That’s correct… My awareness is backwards. I’m far more aware and connected to dreams than I am real life. In real life I am essentially as you had said - going through life on auto-pilot, like people do in normal dreams, lacking consciousness. I’ve tried just being around situations that demand my awareness. I’ve tried focusing on hobbies and goals, and of course I’ve had a lifetime of therapy and medications. The only aid I’ve ever been able to pull off of that is treatment for depression though. Everything else seemed like a wasted effort. This detachment/dissociation is unsolvable, and often feels like it’s only getting worse over the years, though in truth it’s just always been the same.

When I say talking about life things, I do mean just that. Simply talking about daily life. Whether that be their job, school, world events/affairs, their relationship, or those dreaded politics… I don’t mean to make light of any of that, but to me that all seems trivial, so it’s difficult for me to discuss.

I used to do everything I could to help people with their situations. I did that a lot on here, even, and it even got me into trouble at some points. Even though Life isn’t important to me, I recognize that it is just as important to them as my dreams were to me. So it was worth helping them. But these days I feel like all of that is obsolete now. None of it even matters. I don’t want to get involved in anything like that any longer. I just don’t care anymore. And yes, I do recognize that not caring feeds the issue, but it can’t be helped at this point.

The get-together isn’t really an outting. It’s a small closed group that we get together to play a game. My friend hosts it, and it’s within a circle of friends. Other than my friend, none of the others would really get anything that I’m talking about. They are absorbed quite efficiently in life.

This is the reason I joined this site to begin with. To actually put myself in a place I felt comfortable with people (At the time my social phobia was extreme to the point that irl, even people looking at me sent shivers down my spine and made me tremble…), and hopefully be more inclined to be a part of things. This helped with social anxiety, and sometimes helped me feel involved with things (such as the LC). But in the end I still felt somewhat alienated. Even though I felt like family here, i left for an extended period of time, and even though people had ways to contact me to see what’s up, no one did. Even though I feel like that’s not how it should be, I guess like everything regarding life, I simply know nothing about family or friends either. ld4all feels like just another isolated dream world that is exclusive to itself. At this point though I don’t mind it. It doesn’t matter.

Most of it is trivial crap, this is true. Are you close to your family? How do you feel about their lives?

It’s difficult to have a very close connection with people through a computer screen. The forum and chat room are great, but I always prioritize interaction with physically present people. We are at our core very social beings, or at least I believe we are designed to be. You mention losing your faith in people, in connections, and that is a terribly sad thing. I’m sure I’m not alone here in hoping you find a solution, a new purpose.

I went through depression but it was only for about a year. At the time it was impossible for me to reach out to anyone to try and get help, just bottled it all up and escaped playing online games. I’d get annoyed and snap at anyone that tried to take that away from me, pushing away the people who cared about me. The fact that you posted here suggests to me that you’re not done, you’re not giving up.

Close to a point that i feel like they’re just an extension of myself. The casual and normalcy of it negates the opportunity to fulfillment of interaction needs I have with others.

Yes… It’s too bad that has never been an option and/or simple occurrence.

Well this is certainly not depression, even though I’m sure it would be easy for people to pass it off that way. Both this and depression have some of the same results though.

The fact you cant find any real enjoyment in life though you say you are not, it does sound like depression. Real life should be more exciting them dreams if you’ve got to the point of full control as it’s not at all predictable

With the lack of friends and how you view things, I’m wondering if you also have something like Aspergers, (I myself have Aspergers) due to many of the comments you made for example, not liking small talk. Most with Aspergers myself included see small talk as very trival (it really bores me, I hate it).

I think you need to keep reaching out and try to find friends (not just via online) who have similar interests to you and are on the same kind of wavelength… (yeah I know that is very very hard thing to find, I only have one friend who I can relate to in real life).

A lot of unspoken history… I was starting to get diagnosed with depression as early as first grade. It never fell through, but it kept going back to being a possibility, because no one knew what was going on. It is indeed not depression that’s the cause of this. Depression is a bi-product and a minor diagnosis, even according to my therapists.

The source of my pain is just that I’ve seen too much. I’ve done too much. And being that I was born severed from this world to begin with, dreams were always the reality of things. In so spending all this time through both sleeping dreams and waking dreams alike, from multiple pairs of eyes even, I have experienced hundreds of lifetimes of material that transcends anything possible here in this world. As a result, this life is obsolete. It always has been. To me this life is just a container and nothing more.

I don’t have asburgers. And you are right that i need friends in person. I have been saying this for a long time, but despite how much I try, I simply cannot seem to manage that. Because everyone around me is an aspect of this world, while I feel that i exist outside of it. We simply do not connect.

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE !!!
im going to take all your “i cant”'s and “its to hard”'s and throw them away in the can (can having a double meaning here).
these are all excuses you put to yourself, pulling you back from who you CAN become!
you see it as hard?
see it as challenging!
take the challenge
its all a game, if you see people as an extension of you, how come its so hard to connect to those extension when they ARE you?
and why would you want it to be so extremely easy? wouldn’t that be just like the way your dreams are now? unsatisfying…
you might have been born with different experiences, the chance to glimpse to other places, but basically were all the same. no offence but your not the exception you tell yourself you are. were all doing this (well at least i do) to close the circle, be awake through out the day and into the night, you just have that backwards.

its training and training day number 1 starts Now.
every time you catch yourself drifting off lost in yourself while youre awake in the physical - draw yourself back to awareness. you do it again and again, until this becomes natural and youve learned how to balance yourself in that way.
meditation can help you out if youre interested.

the way i see it, you had your fun but you got lost too much in it, the balance got tipped and now youre giving yourself the chance to see that by losing interest in your dreams, it is your way to force yourself to understand you need to balance your physical side.
so what if you lived a certain way all of your life!? change is ultimate and its knocking at your door, he knows whats good for you, you just dont want to hear it. this is also why i believe you experienced the decrease in your spiritual side (as you told me before).

worry not! everything can be reversed, experienced again. if you are everything and all other is an extension of you then where would things get lost to anyway?
you see, nothing bad can really happen unless you label it that way.
This!
is!
EXCITING!

i dont like labeling diseases and what not. yes it sounds you are very focused on negativity, maybe it crosses your mind a lot about different subjects. telling someone he has a “disease” makes him think it is incurable or at least difficult to do, but what depression really is is a thought pattern which looks more closely on the negative 50%.
life is way too unpredictable to know what is going to come up next, and wouldnt that be another kick for you to place you awarness in the waking for a while? since you say dreams for you are just playing alone exactly as you think it?
thought patterns can change, it might be a process ,but that is the point, the way to turn it from this to that is what you need to learn.
not to mention our thoughts effect our dreams so much! they slip over, it is not surprising if your dreams start to feel empty, they represent your thoughts, they are made out of your thoughts.

im not telling you to “give up” on your dreams, i dont believe you could have done that even if you would have wanted to.
ill challenge you!
there is more to dreams then the fun fun side, it can get even more fun.
such great control… come here if you want to see if you can effect you physical body: https://community.ld4all.com/t/physical-healing-through-lucid-dreams/40108
theres also another thing, i heard of a place you can get through a lucid dream state, a middle point between dream and waking, there, is the blueprint of the physical reality and through there you can effect the physical plane, want to know more? interested? PM me.

i can also “teach” you, give you guidelines and information, about emotional control which i believe can help you a lot, anyone really, but youd have to do most of the work yourself of course.

i too have something in my life that i considered my whole. it was the only interesting thing and anything else was nothing compared to it. i still have it, it is part of my passion, but i learned that i looked at it the wrong way. life can be lived in such a way that even the most “mundane” act, thing, can be deemed as Amazing.
that is what it means to appreciate every moment and not just close yourself to a singular subject.

I appreciate all this, but I feel like you’ve missed what I was saying. This isn’t about giving up, or diseases. This is about exposure. I honestly feel like i’ve touched things far beyond anything this world could ever offer to the point that this life itself is obsolete. My mind swirls in places that aren’t just “lost or confused”, but beyond life.

I don’t say “Life is pointless” out of depression, or hopelessness, no. I just honestly feel like life is simply pointless due to limitations and lacking in material form to match my own perceptions and thoughts. People need not be so quick to jump to these kinds of conclusions. I am not “giving up life”. I am not suicidal. None of that matters to me. Whether I’m here, or there, or anywhere, it doesn’t matter. My thoughts and perceptions are as they are in the depth of my mind, and they have nothing to do with this world directly.

About your “blueprint level” you talk about. I’ve seen it. I’ve been there. Can I “manipulate” the physical world? If I need to, yes. But can I do it simply because I want to? no. I’ve tried, and failed. It doesn’t work because the deeper part of my mind recognizes that it’s unnecessary. And unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on which of us we’re talking about. Fortunately, in my case, there is never a need to. Ever. I could be on the brink of death, or so could this entire world and all of human existence. Would that be a need? No. It wouldn’t. That may not be understandable to you, but it is to me, and the same reason for having no need to alter reality applies to the same reason I feel life is obsolete. Because none of it matters to me.

I fully recognize that this life is important to others, and they are going to continue to act as such, and that is perfectly fine. I’m not going to get in the way of other’s importances.

I’m fine with life. Or I should say I’m content. But it’s the lacking of importance that brings about a sense of depression. Not the other way around. I’ve done as you said nearly my entire life. My importance was to help others through life, but I’ve come to find something else that is stopping me from doing even that. And since I feel that purpose too has been blocked, there’s not much else to do other than just remaining comfortable until something comes my way. Because anything that can present a purpose to me is beyond this world or my ability to obtain it.

I would not care if I had everything I ever wanted that this world could possibly present me. It doesn’t matter. It’s obsolete.

This is not depression. This is transcendence.

i never said youre going to take your own life or that your depressed and giving up. im saying you need to look at this from a different prospective. yes youve seen amazing things which “can not” be done in the physical, what im saying is theres always more, you saying:

is taking life for granted. seeing life in that way doesnt give you the opportunity to experience it in any other fashion.

i wonder how much youve really been in the blueprint, what have you dont with it? how far can you take it?
you dont have to do something unspoken and serious with it, its enough that you just rearrange events in your life just for fun.

why?

you cant be content when you feel such a lack in life.

all three goes to garbage can on the count of self excuses.

obviously you didnt get it right yet.

No. this is you disguising a matter you dont want to deal with by rendering life obsolete, by saying you are transcended. self excuses.
transcendence comes when you are in absolute harmony with existence, every aspect of it, and thats not what your doing.

You misunderstand when I say transcendence. Transcendence isn’t about harmony or even control. It’s about existing outside your surroundings. What you’re describing is Nirvana, which i’ve also felt, and it’s significantly different.

Sometimes when I take a walk outside, I drift away from reality in my thoughts. Indeed, the world around seems utterly boring after seeing the possibilities your mind can offer. I can’t count how many times I was on auto-pilot. But the only thing that kept me happy was when I got back, there are always good friends around. It didn’t matter how empty the world felt in my walks, I just wasn’t left enough to dwell in those gloomy thoughts. At many bad times, friends randomly call me saying “hey dude, come over here, we have something for you”. Sometimes even in my dreams I find some good friends, one time I was in a really bad mood for weeks, and suddenly in my dream while I was staying on my terrace, a familiar-looking cat which I couldn’t recall jumped at me (I backed off a bit because I thought it was hostile) and landed in me saying “hey, how are you?”, “I am the cat from your dreams” - when I asked him out of confusion who is he and why he looks so familiar. Had so much fun playing with him in my terrace. I felt great after that. I don’t know how many great things you’ve saw, but I bet a talking cat with an amazing voice that totally suits him isn’t one of them.
The amount of randomness my friends bring doesn’t stop to amaze me. Some things they come up with, I cant even imagine myself. And thats the great thing about them, they open you up to new things. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, we can always make fun of it (including making fun of me sometimes for acting weird, but its fun making fun of them also . Also, it doesn’t matter what we talk about, we always feel good talking. But still, its a great feeling to be able to speak whatever you want with friends. I can speak about everything with them, without losing interest.

Sorry man, you really need some good friends to be around you to cheer you off and show you that the world isn’t only about being great, seeing great things or whatever. Those things come and go, but friends stay. No world can feel empty if you have friends around you. But the bad part is that you can’t just walk around and try to make friends. That just doesn’t happen. Friendship happens unintentional as well as what follows after that.

I cant think of telling you something that will help you, other than my own experience. I’ve seen and did a lot of weird stuff until I start seeing some point in life again, that’s why I wouldn’t want to suggest them. The only thing I did suggest you, and which I noticed that never actually changed throughout the time I felt like you was what I explained above.

Other than that, I don’t know how I can really help you. I’d start off by searching for something that brings life in your dreams. But I cant even suggest you what it could be. For me, many dreams were lively because I never wanted to control them in first place. I would throw off seeing the universe, the planets and whatever great galactic, dimensional or whatever sightseeing for a race with someone while being wolves, feeling the ground on your paws how soft it is, feeling the gust of wind blowing at you because of your speed and having someone to race with. Now that’s what I’d call lucid dreaming.

That is unfortunately something I never experienced. From birth my dream worlds have always been the “real place”. Life had never presented me with proof or encouragement otherwise.

People naturally grow attached to what works best for them, and what they’re used to. I don’t want to get into any drama, but the fact is that life never had that click for me as the dream world did. Did I ever feel welcome in life? not really. I made friends in my dreams as opposed to real life, for whatever reason that may be.

But the real problem is that now I don’t see dreams that way. They don’t feel as much as reality in opposition to this actual world as they used to. Now they feel rather empty, and my dreams are pretty much what I had. Looking at this life now, coming off that, this life seems rather bleak. Could it turn around If i had dedicated friends? Possibly. That’s what I always used to believe. But at this point I feel like people are so close-minded and self-dedicated that I don’t believe something like a fulfilling friendship could even be possible. If not for their ability, then my own. I could not be a fulfilling friend either.

People grow attached to what works best for them because it does. There is no point to pursue something else unless the current doesnt work best for you. So whatever you try to pursue, in the end it will be the thing that works best for you.
Did I really feel welcomed in life? I cant fully agree with that too. It wouldve been no, but for some reason, I like many things.

The other thing is that you shouldnt be left with “the only thing you have”. If dreams were the only thing you’ve had, then life isnt really welcoming you that much.
But for me, even if life isnt welcoming me, my friends are, so I dont care much about life. For some reason I still differ life from friends…
Another thing which I mentioned is that you cant willingly make friends… well you can, but most of the times you will probably stumble upon some close minded people. Real friendships happen… they just happen. Then you will see that there arent only close minded people, there arent only people who want to take you for granted. There are actually people who feel better when their friends feel better, and thats an instinct that keeps friendships forever.
Not only that, but many good friends like to teach other friends, so even if you dont understand something, you wont be left behind. There is just this certain feeling of being with someone, I cant explain it, but you will see it once you are there.

Also, your dreams become boring because you dont have any diversity in real life, your thinking is the same over and over again, no wonder dreams became boring. Sounds to me that everything feels dead to you, lifeless, empty. This isnt something which you can control is it? Relax, thats why people around you exist. Even in dreams, people there can control something. Let them, they will surprise you. As for waking life, I’ve always thought that both dreams and waking life events work together in your favor, just as my friends fucking with me when some of my dreams tell me what my friends couldnt. For some reason sometimes even in dreams my friends try to tell me something, which later comes as true in real life.

Keep it real man, as you see, the more you are controlling something, the more you lose control over yourself. Some things arent made for one mind. And I dont really care, because its more fun when its not. You really need someone to look instead of you, to another point of view. Most of the bad things hapen just because you look from the wrong point of view.

youre right. the way i see it is that when you are transcended you dont look down on the lower planes/normality with boredom, but see it with understanding, what makes you transcended IS your understanding, the knowing of that which is common has let one move higher to different experiences, and naturally by doing that you achieve harmony with that which is now lower in frequency.
thats my view of it, a more balanced way.
i guess for you since all of this “unusual” experience is so natural, to be in the physical would count as transcendence xD

Nik pretty much covered most of it ^^
point is, just because youve met some close minded people doesnt mean thats all thats out their, and i know you know that. cheer up, smile, dont underestimate yourself, im having fun talking with you right now! and im not just saying that to make you feel better, we have common interests, youve found other interesting people in this site, were all real people of the physical, we have our lives, just because you met us through the site doesnt mean there are not other like minded people like us out there.
and dont get a hold of the “common interest” thing, you actually dont have to have common interest with your closest friends, sure we have some, but my friends and i are very different, it doesnt stop us from being an awesome group. in fact, i believe true friendship is when you allow the other to be himself fully and that doesnt stop your friendship.
you can have this, just dont be all doomed to believe theres nothing else you can do. change the way you view this life

ohh, and yes yes, state of being carries in the dream, does surprise your experiencing dreams that way right now.