One thing that I have noticed is that I am a lot more outgoing when speaking English… I spent my Junior year of High School in the US, and I felt so much more comfortable than having to be the ‘German’ me. I usually keep to myself a lot, and even did it when I was in the US, but then it was by choice most of the time.
I haven’t read all of the thread yet, but Atheist, I can somewhat sympathize, since I, too, usually hate small-talk. There are things, however, that I do like talking about… Usually things people are too ‘normal’ or stuck up to talk about. I find it so annoying when people keep chit-chatting and playing their little games without being honest at all. A friend of mine lately, I noticed, kept making somewhat homophobic comments… So I was like ‘hey, I bet you’re afraid you’re gay’ and we had a really great conversation cause I was totally right about it. You know why I think so many guys are into lesbian porn? They are afraid of seeing dicks, because it might arouse them, and they don’t like that idea. In fact I could imagine quite a few people reading this now going ‘ew’…
Well, sorry for rambling, but my point is that I like talking to people, but only/mainly when it is a somewhat interesting conversation about things that are usually not being talked about.
Well, I’ll just keep rambling. I guess sometimes I am quite lonely, but then again I don’t really care too much about meeting up with friends, either… Oh… okay I won’t keep on rambling, I’ll stop now.
Oh, and when I am somewhere where nobody knows me, I am more self-confident, too… At least sometimes. Like I went to a couple of poetry-slams and actually read to 50-200 people.
And I usually like dealing with ONE person at a time… At least to get to know them better. When I am with friends AND with a girl I like it is hard for me to deal with both because the two require very different ‘acting’ on my part, so dealing with them one at a time makes me more comfortable…
And oh yeah, it really helps to just fucking tease people… Next time that cute chick walks by give her a REALLY weird look and be like ‘erm, what’s up with your hair today?’ … It’s not a stupid ‘hi’, you didn’t say ‘i love you i love you i love you i love you’ and you got her attention. That is if you want her attention anyways.
I do think that Atheist has a point and please let me explain… In the hope that what I am going to say hasn’t been said before… Here is a rough explanation, putting people in different categories:
outgoing people <— not shy, not modest, not critical and self-confident - FOR NO GOOD REASON
Shy people <— shy because they are modest, yet critical and not self-confident - FOR A REASON
outgoing people <— not shy, but modest and critical and self-confident - FOR A REASON
this is just a REALLY rough sketch, but what experience, through almost twenty years and experiencing slightly different cultures, seems to suggest that there are uncritical JERKS, who just don’t care.
Then there are sensitive, social cripples who do care…
The best people are the third who could evolve from both, having overcome either their overly self-critical thinking or their overly uncritical thinking.
I’m not seeking anybody’s attention, and usually I go far out of my way to avoid receiving any. I eat lunch at weird times just so I can be by myself, away from the other guys and their pointless small-talk and joking at my expense. It gets far worse, but I’m not here to confess how anti-social I am.
I mean, my lack of interest and because often there is no point in even bothering leads to the fact that I start about three times more posts than I actually do post… A lot of times half-way through answering I just go like ‘well, why am I doing this’… But you know, you sound so anti-social that I can’t help but feeling sympathy.
I know exactly what you mean. It’s not so much that I lose interest, but I just have these days where I can’t write anything worth posting. I guess those are the days when my controversy sensor is actually working, and I decide people don’t want to hear about my homebrew theories.
Forums are my favorite form of communication. How sad is that? Anyway, let me explain. Firstly, and obviously, nobody can see me. This means it’s more about what I have to say, and less about how I’m saying it and what I’m wearing (public speaking is a joke). Secondly, I have as much time as I need to formulate an intelligible post/response. Real-time conversations with unfamiliar people never go anywhere with me. This was explained to me in chemical terms by a psychiatrist several years ago.
Communication is important, small-talk is pointless and annoying. Thank God for forums.
Lately that was the reason why I started smoking pot more frequently… I decided that after having been spending so much time myself for so long I could just as well give ‘partying’ another try… I ended up going there (although I do like some of the people) and getting stoned every single time.
Now most of those people are gone or on holidays and I don’t really miss it.
By the by, I think I could only really have a relationship with someone I kind of know already. Of course I do care about looks, too (maybe another chemical thing) but if I notice I can’t talk with a girl, then I don’t think anything will evolve from that.
And in RL communication can happen, to me anyway, when I don’t try to ‘please’ the other person/people, and do NOT go in ‘I have to talk about interesting things now’-mode, but behave like I always do. Sometimes I will have something to say, other times I won’t. It all depends on how much the people will actually want to listen to me ramble. One of my best friends is American and I haven’t seen her in years, but I talk to her more often via phone and email than I do to a lot of RL people… She ‘understands’ me and just lets me ramble. My mind likes to jump from one topic to another and I think that is only natural - Thus when I have to suppress something like that during shit-chat, I cannot really communicate they whey I could if everyone wouldn’t be limiting themselves.
I guess that’s another problem. I’m just not interested in politics, current affairs, popular lifestyle activities, or anything else that could fuel a discussion. I’m only interested in a couple of things, and that’s why the only people I talk to are my friends. I just have nothing to stand on when a complete stranger tries to make a conversation. If I was a little more assertive, I’d probably look at them and say: “Gaming, programming and philosophy. If none of that means anything to you, I’m about to be extremely bored and you’re not going to get anything out of the conversation.”
… but I can’t, so I smile, nod, and contemplate all the horrible things I’d like to do to the world.
Well, I think a lot of things you can talk about eventually can tie in to those topics… In the end I look at most things someone tells me in terms of content regarding integrity/honesty and what place the things we talk about have in society.
I mean, sometimes I sit down and watch EXTREMELY stupid music shows (tradtitional ‘german’ music with people in ‘german/bavarian’ traditional clothes’ and such) just because I like to wonder what those singers/musicians and their audience are like and how much they are not unlike many people my age, yet those groups can’t stand each other.
About a month ago I went to a party where the people where considerably younger than me, and I just enjoyed watching them. Last semester I had ‘behavior’ (ethnology or something like that) as my main topic in biology - the people at that party where fighting for status in so many subtle ways, it was interesting to watch. That doesn’t mean they should stop acting that way, or that I think they are stupid - it was just a way of me finding an aspect of the situation that could entertain myself.
What made me a little sad/depressed, though, was when a couple of self-proclaimed stoners/hippies/punks went off to smoke some and behaved that same way. Those ‘punks’ were so incredibly elitist and playing their little hierachy games that it wasn’t even all that funny anymore.
Even if they did have some kind of critical thinking, they surely did not dare to show it - and how can you be happy in company that is so hypocritical that it proclaims to be ultimately tolerant and conscious yet does not allow you to be yourself. Well, I just did whatever I found interesting.
One girl, though, was really nice to talk to and spend time with. I even showed her a book of poetry that I had with me and she liked it. She was calm, appreciative and honest… Well, as far as I could tell anyway.
This is exactly right, but unfortunately I can’t say that I share your amusement in the company of such pretenders. I find it disgraceful what people make themselves into for a purpose beyond their understanding. I feel sick when I see a bunch of cavemen competing in such a ridiculous manor for the attention of a girl, or control of the party’s “sheep” (you know, gangster underlings that would be lost without a leader).
If being shy wasn’t enough, I now get annoyed and frustrated by the behavior of others at parties. Solution: Stay home, or enjoy the company of friends in small groups. Ever so slowly people are convincing me that I’m at fault, and that everyone else is acting appropriately. If that’s normal, I’m glad I’m just a shadow.
Well, yeah, I couldn’t take it all the time, but then I usually resort to daydreaming. School is different, though, I got really bored there at times, because you have to keep paying ‘attention’ even if what is going on is entirely pointless. At school even daydreaming got hard at times cause I automatically got so bored just entering a class room.
I didn’t used to be shy at all, but that was before I became more interested in boys. I dont have a brother and I don’t have very many friends that are boys and I don’t have a boyfriend so really! how am I supposed to know what to do around them? now I can barely talk to guys unless I’ve known them for a long time.
Here’s a question I would pose to everyone: were you always shy/extroverted? Or did something in your life happen to make you that way? I became shy sometime during junior high when I moved to a new school, and am only just now getting over my shyness. Of course, there’s nothing wrong or right about being shy. During junior high, I became shy for various reasons (ease, comfort, etc). But now, it just doesn’t serve me any more and I decided to change. I’ve been silent long enough and have got some things I want to say to the world.
Life is a dream. The cute girl, the stranger on the bus - they’re all DCs. You can talk to them or ignore them. Just be whoever you are and don’t give a **** what they think, they’re DCs. They’re in your LD.
I think I became introverted when I went from primary to high school. In primary school I had loads of friends, was popular, etc. When I went to high school I was insulted and mocked quite regularly. Not to mention my obsessive crush on a girl over a period of a year. . So basically, I’m now quite introverted.
Actually, my full description of what various people have called me and I somewhat agree with:
A predictable, gothic, attention whoring scientist.
I only can to the realisation that I was a goth rather recently. At least I know why I flaunt my depression all the time.
Relationship with said girl has left me rather bitter. I now as a whole, seem to hate women and have resolved never to get obsessed with one ever again.
Anyway, let me explain. Firstly, and obviously, nobody can see me. This means it’s more about what I have to say, and less about how I’m saying it and what I’m wearing (public speaking is a joke). Secondly, I have as much time as I need to formulate an intelligible post/response. Real-time conversations with unfamiliar people never go anywhere with me. This was explained to me in chemical terms by a psychiatrist several years ago.
Well, I just did whatever I found interesting.
now I can barely talk to guys unless I’ve known them for a long time.
. So basically, I’m now quite introverted.
