Lack of confidence and shyness part II

And the fact that you do post on the web at least means that you don’t find communication 100% pointless and that is nice to know. :grin:

I know exactly what you mean. It’s not so much that I lose interest, but I just have these days where I can’t write anything worth posting. I guess those are the days when my controversy sensor is actually working, and I decide people don’t want to hear about my homebrew theories. :grin:

Forums are my favorite form of communication. How sad is that? :smile: Anyway, let me explain. Firstly, and obviously, nobody can see me. This means it’s more about what I have to say, and less about how I’m saying it and what I’m wearing (public speaking is a joke). Secondly, I have as much time as I need to formulate an intelligible post/response. Real-time conversations with unfamiliar people never go anywhere with me. This was explained to me in chemical terms by a psychiatrist several years ago.

Communication is important, small-talk is pointless and annoying. Thank God for forums.

Lately that was the reason why I started smoking pot more frequently… I decided that after having been spending so much time myself for so long I could just as well give ‘partying’ another try… I ended up going there (although I do like some of the people) and getting stoned every single time.
Now most of those people are gone or on holidays and I don’t really miss it.

By the by, I think I could only really have a relationship with someone I kind of know already. Of course I do care about looks, too (maybe another chemical thing) but if I notice I can’t talk with a girl, then I don’t think anything will evolve from that.
And in RL communication can happen, to me anyway, when I don’t try to ‘please’ the other person/people, and do NOT go in ‘I have to talk about interesting things now’-mode, but behave like I always do. Sometimes I will have something to say, other times I won’t. It all depends on how much the people will actually want to listen to me ramble. One of my best friends is American and I haven’t seen her in years, but I talk to her more often via phone and email than I do to a lot of RL people… She ‘understands’ me and just lets me ramble. My mind likes to jump from one topic to another and I think that is only natural - Thus when I have to suppress something like that during shit-chat, I cannot really communicate they whey I could if everyone wouldn’t be limiting themselves. :alien:

I guess that’s another problem. I’m just not interested in politics, current affairs, popular lifestyle activities, or anything else that could fuel a discussion. I’m only interested in a couple of things, and that’s why the only people I talk to are my friends. I just have nothing to stand on when a complete stranger tries to make a conversation. If I was a little more assertive, I’d probably look at them and say: “Gaming, programming and philosophy. If none of that means anything to you, I’m about to be extremely bored and you’re not going to get anything out of the conversation.”

… but I can’t, so I smile, nod, and contemplate all the horrible things I’d like to do to the world. :smile:

Well, I think a lot of things you can talk about eventually can tie in to those topics… In the end I look at most things someone tells me in terms of content regarding integrity/honesty and what place the things we talk about have in society.
I mean, sometimes I sit down and watch EXTREMELY stupid music shows (tradtitional ‘german’ music with people in ‘german/bavarian’ traditional clothes’ and such) just because I like to wonder what those singers/musicians and their audience are like and how much they are not unlike many people my age, yet those groups can’t stand each other.

About a month ago I went to a party where the people where considerably younger than me, and I just enjoyed watching them. Last semester I had ‘behavior’ (ethnology or something like that) as my main topic in biology - the people at that party where fighting for status in so many subtle ways, it was interesting to watch. That doesn’t mean they should stop acting that way, or that I think they are stupid - it was just a way of me finding an aspect of the situation that could entertain myself. :smile:

What made me a little sad/depressed, though, was when a couple of self-proclaimed stoners/hippies/punks went off to smoke some and behaved that same way. Those ‘punks’ were so incredibly elitist and playing their little hierachy games that it wasn’t even all that funny anymore. :neutral:
Even if they did have some kind of critical thinking, they surely did not dare to show it - and how can you be happy in company that is so hypocritical that it proclaims to be ultimately tolerant and conscious yet does not allow you to be yourself. :eh: Well, I just did whatever I found interesting.
One girl, though, was really nice to talk to and spend time with. I even showed her a book of poetry that I had with me and she liked it. :smile: She was calm, appreciative and honest… Well, as far as I could tell anyway.

This is exactly right, but unfortunately I can’t say that I share your amusement in the company of such pretenders. I find it disgraceful what people make themselves into for a purpose beyond their understanding. I feel sick when I see a bunch of cavemen competing in such a ridiculous manor for the attention of a girl, or control of the party’s “sheep” (you know, gangster underlings that would be lost without a leader).

If being shy wasn’t enough, I now get annoyed and frustrated by the behavior of others at parties. Solution: Stay home, or enjoy the company of friends in small groups. Ever so slowly people are convincing me that I’m at fault, and that everyone else is acting appropriately. If that’s normal, I’m glad I’m just a shadow.

Well, yeah, I couldn’t take it all the time, but then I usually resort to daydreaming. :content: School is different, though, I got really bored there at times, because you have to keep paying ‘attention’ even if what is going on is entirely pointless. At school even daydreaming got hard at times cause I automatically got so bored just entering a class room.

I’ll watch a Bruce Lee movie now. :happy:

Small-talk isn’t pointless… it can be very sexy and erotic when discussing with the opposite gender who’s intelligent.

I didn’t used to be shy at all, but that was before I became more interested in boys. I dont have a brother and I don’t have very many friends that are boys and I don’t have a boyfriend so really! how am I supposed to know what to do around them? :bored: now I can barely talk to guys unless I’ve known them for a long time.

… do you see the paradox there? :smile:

Shut up, you aggressive brute… :wink:

Here’s a question I would pose to everyone: were you always shy/extroverted? Or did something in your life happen to make you that way? I became shy sometime during junior high when I moved to a new school, and am only just now getting over my shyness. Of course, there’s nothing wrong or right about being shy. During junior high, I became shy for various reasons (ease, comfort, etc). But now, it just doesn’t serve me any more and I decided to change. I’ve been silent long enough and have got some things I want to say to the world. :wink:

Life is a dream. The cute girl, the stranger on the bus - they’re all DCs. You can talk to them or ignore them. Just be whoever you are and don’t give a **** what they think, they’re DCs. They’re in your LD.

I think I became introverted when I went from primary to high school. In primary school I had loads of friends, was popular, etc. When I went to high school I was insulted and mocked quite regularly. Not to mention my obsessive crush on a girl over a period of a year. :sad: . So basically, I’m now quite introverted.

Actually, my full description of what various people have called me and I somewhat agree with:
A predictable, gothic, attention whoring scientist.

I only can to the realisation that I was a goth rather recently. At least I know why I flaunt my depression all the time.

:blush:

Relationship with said girl has left me rather bitter. I now as a whole, seem to hate women and have resolved never to get obsessed with one ever again.

Sigh. I’m a mental mess. :crying:

I’ve a little shy my whole life, although it really got bad way back in third grade. AT that time Iwas extremely scared of girls suddenly. I basically would never say anything to one. IF they asked me something, i would just be silent. It’s been VERY SLOWLY getting better over time, but I’m still very scared of talking with women (I’m gonna be a junior this year in highschool so it’s been 7 years).

That is a nice way of thinking :happy:

Exactly the same thing happened to me, except perhaps that I had an obsessive crush on a girl that lasted for at least 4 years before it went on to a more platonic level. I still now the exact moment I fell in love with her: March 21, 1991. I was almost 10 years old and we were doing some gym exercises. During some particular exercise I had to practice with her and that’s when it all started. The next 4 years I had lots of periods in which I was crying in my bed and really had difficulties breathing because of what I felt for her. I even tried to contact her telepathically (I just learned about this by that time)! But I never had the courage to tell her… Two years after I became in love with her, we went to separate schools so I lost contact with her (but not in my mind ofcourse). In time, this obsessive crush on her was replaced by a deep platonic feeling of love, affection and respect. About 6 years later I saw her again on a party. A friend of mine drove me back home that night. When we stood still for a traffic light, I noticed her sitting next to her dad in the car next to ours. Her eyes were fixed on me, and when the light went green, she turned her head and we looked into each other’s eyes until she disappeared in the distance. That moment was absolutely amazing! Later I began wondering if this really happened or if I just saw what I wanted to see. But I’m quite sure now this really happened :smile: I’m considering now to write her a letter in which I would explain exactly how I felt for her all these years (and still feeling). I don’t want to interfere with her life or something like that. I just want her to know.
Sorry if this is a bit off-topic but I thought it was about time I’d tell this story to someone. You guys are the first who hear about this :grin:
At secondary school I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible (unfortunately this didn’t work always). I already knew I was “different” than most others. If I had to choose between playing outdoors or reading books, I’d have chosen the latter. When I was about 12-13 I became obsessed with prehistoric animals, astronomy and the paranormal. Instead of going to friends or so during the holidays, I stayed indoors in my own world with my books and stuff. At the age of 17 I learned to party, which was a great way to release my bottled up emotions. I really loved to party!! At this age I began exploring the extreme, like terrorcore music and fetish stuff (but no personal experience :wink: ). During this time I also had some relations, but they never lasted for long. I so wanted to know some like-minded people. At university everything went downwards. In my first years I slept by day and went out whole night. I had to do my first year again and by the end of that years I went into a deep depression. The next year I luckily discovered lucid dreaming. Now I’ve never felt better.

Yeah I really use this to find my way in life. I notice I’ve become more extrovert and self-confident towards girls and other people in general because of this “LD-attitude”. I’ve also lost interest in relationships but that really doesn’t bother me.
I’m so happy I’ve found this forum :smile: And I don’t think I’m the only one. PasQuale: I can’t thank you enough :content:

IF you do that, I wouldn’t tell her ALL about it (being completely obsessed for years), that might scare her away.

Yeah I’ve thought about that A LOT. I’m not sure how I will handle it, or even IF I will write her a letter. I really don’t want to scare her or anything like that but it feels like some way or another she deserves to know this. IF I would tell her about it, I think I’ll mainly write about my deep platonic feelings for her.
To put things straight: this complete obsession wasn’t anything scary. I know I was pretty young for this at the time but it felt like really deep warm beautiful love, not some obsession like stalking madness or like that. Mostly it felt like this: if the only way to make her happy was to cut off my arm with a kitchen knife, I wouldn’t doubt for a second to do it. This seems perhaps a bit extreme but this “obsession” felt exactly this way. Know what I mean? Do you think this would scare her off? (I wouldn’t tell her anything about cutting off my arm ofcourse :smile: )

I second that. Although it seems that now you haven’t seen her for another couple of years and aren’t obsessed anymore… If you still feel that way it might scare her…

I once was quite obsessed with a girl called Aubrey. I called her my aubsession. :wiske: I am gay, I know. :tongue: :wink: