the BIG Jokes topic

This is a nice one and it’s absolutely scientifically proven. It’s the proof that 2 + 2 isn’t always 4. When we’re working with relativity we see that 2 + 2 = 2.769
Impossible? Here’s the proof:

Imagine two spacecrafts moving towards or away from each other, each has a speed of 200,000 km/sec. The question is: what’s their relative speed? or how much is the speed of spacecraft 2 as seen from spacecraft 1? In normal conditions we see that the relative speed of two objects moving in opposite directions is the sum of both speeds. For instance: two cars moving away from each other with a speed of 120km/h have a relative speed of 240km/h. However, if we do this here we would get 400,000 km/sec, which is impossible due to the limit of the speed of light which is almost 300,000 km/sec. And the speed of light can never be crossed (as far as we know). Two plus two can’t make four here. Einstein developped a formula to calculate the relative speeds when working with relativistic conditions:
Relative Speed = [Speed(A) + Speed (B)] / [1 + [(Speed (A) * Speed (B)) / (Speed of light)^2] ]
Fill in the data and you’ll get 276,923.08 km/sec, so 2+2=2.769

oof! brain overload :crazy:

:crazy:

Interesting. Apparently I was right… Atheist enjoyed it. lol! :grin:

Here’s my joke… a bit funny. :content: Cheers! :beer:

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Man, Wife And A Cop

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to astop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, “What’s the problem officer?”

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hourzone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.]

Officer: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks![The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]

Officer: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearingyour seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, “For cryin’ out loud, can’t you just shut up?!”

The officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, Does yourhusband talk to you this way all the time?”

Wife says, “No officer, only when he’s drunk.”

heh heh heh. Dm7 always has cool jokes! :content:

Another scientific proof:

:lmao: :rofl: :lmao: Mystic, that was really funny!

lol! At least that scientific joke was simple enough for me :cool:

How many dream scientists or dream authors does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Only the lightbulb changer can interpret their own lightbulb.

[size=18]I just had a dream… i went to sleep at 2:00 this afternoon and woke up at 3:45. I was at my house and i realized it was a dream. I cahnged the scenery to a gym floor and then i was sliding people and their beds across the floor. the the room became and Ice cave but much bigger. and slide people around some more… people were jumping around so i thought of flying. i leaped into the air and fell. then I leaped into the air again and flew extremely fast like…100 mph to the top edge.
I saw a sign that was posted on the top of slides. It said, "If you come in the game will get harder. Then i created this ball of aura type stuff it was almost white, clear and blue. I threw it and it was headed toward the wall and made this explosion that made a huge gash in the wall. Then i heard this thing yelling and screaming like it was made. then i heard someone in the “real world” come in and turn off my tv and games and telling me it was the 3rd player. I woke up{in my dream} only to realize that it was all fake and then i woke up from that dream into the real reality.

I THINK

You posted this in the wrong thread, morpheus. :neutral:

Have you done a RC InfectionO you might have been dreaming?

I thought I would just post this link, it’s cartoons but they are really funny.
click here :cool_laugh:

:gni: That’s a good link moogle! Thanks.

Time for other blonde joke! :biggrin: I just love to laugh. :wink:

===

Bad reception

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, “How is much is this TV?”
The salesman said, “Sorry, we don’'t sell to blondes.”

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry, we don’'t sell to blondes.”

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry we don’'t sell to blondes.”

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
“Because that is not a TV, it’'s a microwave.”

:rofl: That was really funny! I might try and remember some more jokes before we upset any blondes on this forum. :grin:

I don’t know if someone knows this one already, but it’s very funny :grin:

A man suspected of SARS is lying in the hospital bed with a mask over his mouth.
A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, “I don’t know Sir, I’m only here to wash your face and hands.”
He struggles again to talk through his mask an repeats, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Again the nurse replies, “I can’t tell. I’m only here to wash your face and hands.”
The Head Nurse was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong.
“Nurse,” he mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
Being a nurse of long-standing, the Head Nurse was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pyjama trousers, had a real good look, pulled his pajamas back up, replaced the bedclothes and announced, “Nothing wrong with your testicles!!!”
At this point, the man pulled off his mask and screams out: “I SAID, ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK ??!!”

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

  • 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
  • 16 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
  • 6 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
  • 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
  • 50 to flame the spell checkers
  • 48 to correct spelling/grammar flames
  • 7 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb”
  • …another 6 to condemn those 7 as anal-retentive
  • 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is “lamp”
  • 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that “light bulb” is perfectly correct
  • 154 to email the participant’s ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their “acceptable use policy”
  • 118 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
  • 203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
  • 111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
  • 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
  • 1 to ask if when buying a new bulb they should go for a screw or bayonet type
  • 98 to argue that their version of screw in or bayonet is better than the other and always will
  • 27 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs
  • 14 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL’s
  • 3 to post about links they found from the URL’s that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
  • 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add “Me too”
  • 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
  • 19 to quote the “Me too’s” to say “Me three”
  • 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
  • 44 to ask what is a “FAQ”
  • 4 to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”
  • 143 to say “do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs”
  • 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

lol! soooo true (1 poster to post some random comment that doesn’t help anything… me)

Well, I know a couple of not funny jokes and a load of dirty jokes. (Which I won’t be telling to everybodies disapointment)

1.) What kind of slippers do you put on two left feet. Flip flips. (Not flip flops)

2.) New students join a secondary school. They really exited.
Teacher: I would like eveybody to start acting adult now. You have to SPEAK like an adult.
Children: Yes
Teacher: eh HEM
Children: Yes, Mrs Smith
Teacher: YOU, what did you DO for your holiday?
Child1: I went on an awo-plane
Teacher: The adult word IS AEROPLANE, with AN R.
Teacher: You boy, WHATdid you DO?
Child2: I went on a cho-cho-train
Teacher: It’s a RAILWAY train, GET IT RIGHT!
Teacher: AND WHAT DID YOU DO BOY?
Child3: I read a book.
Teacher: AND WHAT WAS IT CALLED?
Child3: Winny the shit, miss.

Sorry if this last joke happen to offent anybody. The point was that the book he read was called winny the pooh, just for anybody who didn’t get that.

will edit later, original link now not working. :cool:

click here to see a little cat doing a RC

It is working again.

A few short jokes :grin:

A guy went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a teepee, and then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor replied, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”

What did the carpet say to the floor?
Don’t move – I’ve got you covered.

Where did the kittens go on a class trip?
To the meow-seum.

How do you make anti-freeze?
Take away her blanket.

Why did the boy take a ruler to bed with him?
To see how long he slept.

Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Because of its bark.

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.

What do you call an 800 pound gorilla?
Anything he wants to be called.

i got one,

“good morning, i am 48 years of age and these are the events that ttok place on september 4 of 2003.”
" i was out playing golf and i was doing pretty badly when i hear this strange sound. i was on the first hole my third time around the course and feeling pretty frustrated. i found that the source of the sound was a frog, a frog that croaked something that sounded like nine-iron. i ignored it and continued playing but then it croaked louder ‘NINE-IRON’. so i thought, why not, i got nothing to lose. so i pulled out my nine-iron and took a swing. i got a hole in one. i picked up the frog and took it to the next hole. it said wedge. so i pulled the wedge out and again i got a hole in one. i played the hole game with the frog and got a perfect score. i felt great and i wondered what else the frog could predict. so i took it to the casino. by listening to it’s advice i made 500,000 dollars in an hour. i was on top of the world. so i went up to my hotel room with frog. i told the frog how greatful i was and asked if i could do anything to repay it. the frog craoked ‘kiss me’. i thought to myself, its the least i can do for it after all its done for me. so i picked up the frog and kissed it. all of the sudden it transformed into a gorgeous 16 year old girl." “And that, your honor, is how the 16 yo girl ended up in my room” :tongue: