Ah yes, doubleyourdating.com
I’m on the newsletter. It’s a pity I have such little self confidence and knowledge to try it out (I really wanna meet girls my age, but I have no idea where to start. And at my school I have a really strong reputation as a nerdy sort of person, you know, the kind that the get-pissed-every-weekend sort of person gets chicks to come up to and taunt)
I’ll have to say, extroverted friends are great when you are feeling depressed (which happens far too often for me). A friend of mine often helps me talk through things when I’m feeling really low. The main reason I became interested in LDing is because I disliked my waking life, so I thought I could improve my sleeping life.
No wonder there are all these shy people in the world. I have cringed more than a few times reading the harsh statements some of you have made.
I agree 99.9% with Atheists views.
For me, my shyness is not resulting from fear at all, nor contempt towards the more extroverted types as I even shy away from other introverts.
No amount of coaxing or persuading will change the shyness in me until I feel comfortable around the few people that I get close to. I think trust and respect have a lot to do with this response. See, it is 100 times easier for me to lose trust and respect for someone than it is for me to accept the sometimes, in my opinion, extreme behaviours and attitudes of others.
That doesn’t mean I don’t like people.
I just have a differing view of the world than most and it affects how I interact with the others I meet here.
When did this become an Either/Or situation? It’s not the case that either you’re shy, in which case you can be a ‘decent and caring guy’ and spend your time on worthwhile activities, or you’re not shy in which case you’re a sexually-obsessed jerk with no morals.
There is middle ground, it’s where most of us live. We manage to juggle relationships, be decent and caring, and give time to more high-brow intellectual pursuits. There’s no need to polarise things.
Do you think I’m a jerk atheist? I know this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone at all even people who think they know me but I think the closest thing that I would be using the labels that you guys have used would be an outgoing introvert.
When I was in middle school I could hardly talk to anyone at all. In fact if someone I didn’t know said anything to me I could not even make a sound come out of my throat. Then in high school I suddenly figured, screw other people and I started to say whatever the hell I wanted (within reason, I wouldn’t like walk up to people and insult them or anything). A lot of people thought I was nuts. I didn’t make small talk like, hey how about this weather, but I would go up to people and ask them weird things that made sense to me. I didn’t do it for the sake of being a part of society or something I did it because it was fun.
You could hear my laugh from the other side of the school litterally. But I stilled liked being alone most of all. And I was alone most of the time. My favorite thing to do it still to just sit alone and think by myself or listen to music and draw, write, that kind of stuff. But when I’m with people can be really loud or totally quiet depending on how I feel loud (actualy I talk to myself and my cats really loud too when I feel like it.) Now that I have anxiety I dont really talk to anyone but I am still loud when I’m home alone talking to myself because it makes me laugh. I dont think talking to strangers makes me a jerk, one because I don’t do it with expectations meaning if they dont talk back I dont think there’s anything wrong with them at all and two because I actually care what I’m talking about and I’m not just faking it to make “small talk” or whatever.
I kind of dont think I’m an introvert or an extrovert, I think I’m just this uncatagorisable person. I dont think being outgoing makes you a bad person. I’d rather be friendly with people and by that I dont mean faking some sort of concern over them I mean I really do care about people so I’m not faking it.
Whatever, I probably shouldnt have said anything I doubt if anyone will understand.
This topics seems to have become an attack on Athiest because he shares his views so openlly. I am sorry to have contributed to this and hope that we can go back to the topic of shyness rather than what we have displayed over the past couple of pages.
I am sorry Atheist. My post was not meant for accusations but more of a way to question yourself and c if the way u live does make u content and aid u in your development. If u r content and have found a way to live which complements this then u r a truly special and wise person.
I wasn’t attacking Atheist, he’s actually my buddy (I dont know what he thinks of me hahaha! ) I was just trying to continue the conversation. Anyway that he lives his life seems perfectly valid to me I was just wondering what he thought. I don’t think he would make comments if he didn’t want people to talk about them, I could be wrong. I do kind of think that people assume that since he’s not doing what they would do that he can’t possibly be happy which isn’t true, everyone is different.
Out of this whole thread, having read 30% of Atheist’s last post, Aydira’s last post, and 40% of Z’s last post, I can’t be certain that any input I might have on this topic (is this even the topic with which this thread began?) is not something that hasn’t been said in a prior post. Therefore I’ll just say “I agree with Aydira”.
The problem is the nature of humans to conform. If somebody fails to conform, there MUST be something wrong with them, right? A lot of people would think that Atheist leads a “sad” life, just because it’s different from what is generally believed to be a happy life. That is probably what I hate about humanity most. If somebody is different, they don’t deserve to be treated as well. Or so many people believe. I have this friend (us shy people stick together I guess) who recently moved to this redneck town about half an hour away, and one of the managers where he got a job says he’s gonna be “one of those crazy rooftop snipers”, just because he’s quiet.
I often prefer the company of solitude to that of other people. I enjoy being alone, but there are times when I want to be with other people too. Only my close friends though, other people scare me. I wish it weren’t that way, but it is. well uh I’m not sure what point I was trying to make there, I guess there were a few
I don’t know what the hell that thing is, but it amuses me.
Ok. is it triggered naturally or not? This is what is making me wander, i noticed at school everyone in the ‘in-crowd’ has very very high self confidence, if not high then they atleast do have self-confidence. While the people not in the in-crowd do not. not the self confidence to do what they want, since most of them follow someone who does, but the self-confidence to say somthing or approach a girl. I think it is shaped by your inviroment and childhood… when i was really young i didnt care that much what i looked like, what i did and how i was… but now its part of everyday living. what do you guys think?
LOL what I find funny is that I’ve had all 3… except the disability thing to a huge extent (had an ingrown toenail when young which prevented me from some activities for a while, like soccer which I love).
And I’m quite the opposite of shy… but I didn’t use to be. Now that I compare being shy and not being, I prefer not being - life is so much less stressing, less sadness in my life because there are people that I care for and they care for me surrounding me.
“If shyness becomes chronic and continues into the later years of life, chronic social isolation leads to increasingly severe loneliness and related psychopathology, and even to chronic illness and a shorter life-span.”
Uh I think getting over shyness may be a good idea. . .
There are a lot of people I deal with each week that I don’t particularly enjoy being around. Not because I’m uncomfortable around them, and not because I’m now introverted beyond conversational compatibility. Instead, I just usually have nothing to say. To me, small-talk is up there with the all-time most pointless and annoying things ever.
I understand people enjoy small-talk because it removes the lonely or awkward silence surrounding the group of people, but this just doesn’t apply to me. I’d prefer to sit in silence than respond generically to idiot small-talk questions like “How are things?”, “How’s work?”, “What’s on for the weekend?” and so on. It doesn’t actually achieve anything, and it distracts me from reading the paper, or engaging in a fantasy of some kind - usually one that involves living in a castle amidst medieval fields, and far away from obligation. I guess that’s what they mean by “increasingly severe loneliness and related psychopathology”. My imagination is better than real life.
Why is it a problem that I don’t want to talk to people? To me, each person I walk past on the street is just another product of society, straight off the production line. Whatever they have to say, I’ve either heard before, or just don’t care about. Undoubtedly they have a political opinion that they’re dying to share. Maybe they want to talk about their job, or mine. They can’t see that they’re part of a mindless collective - the product of an institution that teaches them how to pretend they’re unique.
I just want to be left alone. Shy people aren’t the problem - it’s those afraid of silence who push us over the edge.
geez, i don’t check this thread for a couple days and it’s already ballooned to part 2
anyway, i don’t remember who said it, nor do i feel like scrolling back through the pages to find it, but whoever said that they don’t like small talk so they instead go up to people and ask them funny questions just to entertain yourself. that’s a really good idea, cause i don’t like small talk and am quite bad at it anyway, but i’m always thinking of stuff and wondering off the wall questions, it’d probably be a good ice breaker
One thing that I have noticed is that I am a lot more outgoing when speaking English… I spent my Junior year of High School in the US, and I felt so much more comfortable than having to be the ‘German’ me. I usually keep to myself a lot, and even did it when I was in the US, but then it was by choice most of the time.
I haven’t read all of the thread yet, but Atheist, I can somewhat sympathize, since I, too, usually hate small-talk. There are things, however, that I do like talking about… Usually things people are too ‘normal’ or stuck up to talk about. I find it so annoying when people keep chit-chatting and playing their little games without being honest at all. A friend of mine lately, I noticed, kept making somewhat homophobic comments… So I was like ‘hey, I bet you’re afraid you’re gay’ and we had a really great conversation cause I was totally right about it. You know why I think so many guys are into lesbian porn? They are afraid of seeing dicks, because it might arouse them, and they don’t like that idea. In fact I could imagine quite a few people reading this now going ‘ew’…
Well, sorry for rambling, but my point is that I like talking to people, but only/mainly when it is a somewhat interesting conversation about things that are usually not being talked about.
Well, I’ll just keep rambling. I guess sometimes I am quite lonely, but then again I don’t really care too much about meeting up with friends, either… Oh… okay I won’t keep on rambling, I’ll stop now.
Oh, and when I am somewhere where nobody knows me, I am more self-confident, too… At least sometimes. Like I went to a couple of poetry-slams and actually read to 50-200 people.
And I usually like dealing with ONE person at a time… At least to get to know them better. When I am with friends AND with a girl I like it is hard for me to deal with both because the two require very different ‘acting’ on my part, so dealing with them one at a time makes me more comfortable…
And oh yeah, it really helps to just fucking tease people… Next time that cute chick walks by give her a REALLY weird look and be like ‘erm, what’s up with your hair today?’ … It’s not a stupid ‘hi’, you didn’t say ‘i love you i love you i love you i love you’ and you got her attention. That is if you want her attention anyways.
I do think that Atheist has a point and please let me explain… In the hope that what I am going to say hasn’t been said before… Here is a rough explanation, putting people in different categories:
outgoing people <— not shy, not modest, not critical and self-confident - FOR NO GOOD REASON
Shy people <— shy because they are modest, yet critical and not self-confident - FOR A REASON
outgoing people <— not shy, but modest and critical and self-confident - FOR A REASON
this is just a REALLY rough sketch, but what experience, through almost twenty years and experiencing slightly different cultures, seems to suggest that there are uncritical JERKS, who just don’t care.
Then there are sensitive, social cripples who do care…
The best people are the third who could evolve from both, having overcome either their overly self-critical thinking or their overly uncritical thinking.
I’m not seeking anybody’s attention, and usually I go far out of my way to avoid receiving any. I eat lunch at weird times just so I can be by myself, away from the other guys and their pointless small-talk and joking at my expense. It gets far worse, but I’m not here to confess how anti-social I am.
) I was just trying to continue the conversation. Anyway that he lives his life seems perfectly valid to me I was just wondering what he thought. I don’t think he would make comments if he didn’t want people to talk about them, I could be wrong. I do kind of think that people assume that since he’s not doing what they would do that he can’t possibly be happy which isn’t true, everyone is different. 
I don’t know what the hell that thing is, but it amuses me.
what do you guys think?
