Some people have been able to induce lucid dreams for years… but how can you tell when you’ve been doing it for too long? Here a handy guide…
You know you’ve been lucid dreaming too long, when:
=> You use the pick up line, ‘Wow babe! When I saw you, I had to take an RC!’
=> You try and drive your car through the nearest person in a traffic jam.
=> You use, ‘But I though I was dreaming!’ as your defence in court.
=> You can’t read a book without having to re-read every other page.
=> You worship Freddy Krugor as your god.
=> You forget how many fingers you’re meant to have.
=> You started accusing alarm clock of being ‘heretics’.
=> You walk about, pinching your nose.
=> You believe you are being stalked by paperclips.
=> You forget what your girlfriend looks like.
=> You demand that the sky must change its colour.
=> You order the nearest girl to take of her clothes.
=> You complain that you can’t see through other people’s clothes. Whilst standing next to them.
=> You become lucid in a daydream.
=> The mention of ‘Old Hag Syndrome’ arouses you.
=> You rename your bedroom, ‘Elm Room.’
=> You attempt to walk on water. And cheer when you succeed. And then scream as the ice breaks.
=> You randomly jump in the air, with the explanation of ‘I wanna see if I can float.’
!!! You suffer a severe psychological breakdown caused by a strong doubt of your sense of reality coupled with the fact that you aren’t getting enough REM sleep because you try WILD every night (and the REM sleep you do manage to get is ruined by your lucidity leading to waking up prematurely) and so you feel that you are left with no option but to commit suicide slowly and painfully with an extremely rusty knife that you found in your garage?
!!! Your family of devout Christians decide that lucid dreaming is a satanic practice and begin to hate you more and more, culminating in all your posessions being sold and you getting kicked out of the house with nothing more than the clothes on your back, and the bus fare to get out of town?
!!! You become so obsessed with your newfound dream-powers that you decide to take sleeping pills, but accidently OD and recieve lifelong brain damage?
!!! You get electrocuted by a faulty light switch whilst performing the old “light levels” reality check?
!!! You become so bored will everyday life that your brain swells up and your head explodes?
…Well, I think that’s enough “imaginative writing” for me today.
When I am at work, sometimes I try to drag the mouse off the sreeen and point at things, or project my type onto the wall… and I think it works. This is a clear sign I spend too much councious life in a dream world.
… when walking down the road you suddenly sprint and leap upwards and upon noticing someone who saw you do it, mumble something about “testing gravity”
… you always find Laberge’s book in a bookshop and replace it in the display at the front of the shop
… you sneak Laberge’s books into strangers’ shopping bags while they arent looking
… you charge into your housemate’s bedroom at 6 am, shake him awake and yell “Pete, what’s the password?! Do you remember the password?!?” (after a mutual-dream attempt)
… you wake up, go downstairs, tell everyone about the amazing lucid dream you just had, then wake up again
… whenever you switch on a light only for the bulb to have blown, you yell “at last, another ld!” excitedly and hurl yourself face first into a large mirror
… you throw things at the television whenever a psychologist mentions dreaming without mentioning lucid dreaming
… you are sure that the Matrix is really a film about lucid dreaming
… you are sure that The Godfather is really a film about lucid dreaming (“Either your signature or your brains appear on the dotted line” “Now, see here is where Pacino becomes lucid”)
=> You try jumping trough walls while shouting “there is no wall”
=> You are always asking your friends “is this a dream” or “what’s it like to be a DC”
=> You almost drown while diving since you tried breathing
=> You don’t have friends anymore since all you talk about is your dreams
=> Everyone thinks your a drug addict since you walk around looking at everything and mumbling “wow everything looks so real”
=> Your friends tell you to bring back people you made dissappear (acctually happened to me… and they weren’t joking)
=> You spend your whole 30min bus trip doing RC’s to pass the time
=> You feel hunrgy so you try to conjure up some food, then eat leftovers when you realise you can’t
=> You stay in your bed for an hour desperately trying to remember a dream that you think was a LD
=> You go insane because all of your RC’s fail and you don’t know if you’re dreaming or not
=> You keep filling up this thread
=> You know waking life is actually a super super level LD
=> You start getting successful RC’s IRL
=> You spend most of your time in bed, because the only “true” friends you have are your DC’s
=> You have fallen in love with a DC and plan to marry him/her
=> You think everyone who doesn’t LD is a lower form of life
=> Some people have accused you of being in a cult because you talk about LDing so much
=> You’ve gotten at least one other friend into LDing and talk about it with them all the time, much to the irritation of your other friends
=> You tried explaining LDing to your mom even though you know she’s really cynical about that subject matter
=> You keep staring at a window, poking your hands and fingers on the glass trying to see if they will go through.
=> You try to switch lights on and off by blinking, and when through a blackout this actually happens, you’re totally convinced you’re dreaming and run into a wall.
=> Every time the Matrix is mentioned somewhere you explain to anyone who will listen about how it’s all about lucid dreaming.
=> Your DJ starts with a Matrix quote.
=> You want to smack people who ask you to explain their dream symbols and refer to a dream symbol dictionary when you try and explain something about lucid dreaming.
=> You do RC’s during the whole movie of eXistenZ
=> After seeing eXistenZ you’re convinced you’re actually in a real-life simulation game, not real life. Then it occurs to you it could all be a dream, improving your daytime awareness and leading to increased lucidity during the night.
=> You run around, stretch your arms wide yelling ‘I’m an airplane! I’m an airplane!’ and then look disappointed when you turn out to be nor an airplane nor flying.
=> You spend many weeks in a daze trying ‘lucid living’
=> Your friends know never to say ‘dream’ becasue a conversation about dreams WONT end soon
=> You look foreward to sleeping
.
Me like morbid.
