Okay, I’m not sure where to begin with this, as I could easily make it extend to at least 10 pages long, but I’m very tired right now. I just found these forums and am very pleased with them so far, they seem to be a vast step up from dreamjournal.org
(oh and this is going to be sexually eplicit but i’ll try and keep things proper and brief)
So… really the best way for you to understand what I’m going through is for you to read through all of my dreams (which would take a while) but I’ll try and paint a brief picture.
I can LD at will, whenever, wherever, with I’d say a 90% success rate… basically if I want a LD during the night… I have one, with few exceptions.
I can sometimes induce OBE, either via natural SP, or by waking myself up into paralysis and exiting the body.
I have not determined that there is any difference between an OBE or a LD, and that there is an “astral plane” however I have had convincing results via contacting my friends through lucid dreams and have had a huge number of dream “prophecies” if you will… though since I stopped caring about them I haven’t had many…
One time I was so confident of one of them that I went on a forum saying there would be a school shooting in Ohio… and there was, about a week later.
If you really want to I can link you to it if you doubt me…
But at any rate… I’m kind of skeptical about the hard core superstition around LD and OBE, but I am very open to the possibility of their being valid supernatural applications to such things.
I’m agnostic, and have been for about a year or two.
Okay… so… when I first became able to LD a lot, all I did was have sex… I’m a virgin, so this complicates things… at least 90% of my dream sex is unrealistic and frustrating, yet at least 75% of the time while lucid I’m banging anyone and everyone I can find.
After months of doing this I started to feel kind of lousy about it… it was counterproductive and I couldn’t help but wonder if some of the dream people were real and I was in essence raping them… as often times certain girls I knew in real life would run from me so… that would be LD rape right there regardless of if they were real or not.
So I stopped having the LD sex so much… one day I had a non lucid dream about sleeiping (now my #1 recurring theme) and there was a girl next to me (i’m male btw) and she started fondling my “bottom” and it felt great…
Then a month or two later another similar dream… now I’m lucky if I can have a sex dream where this DOESN’T HAPPEN and it feels so much better than any genital stimulation I ever get… which baffles me.
So… I used to want the girls to do this to me… but… upon entering college I started getting strings of nightmares, especially sleep paralysis related… to the point where I was afraid to sleep and was hallucinating during the day (which led to me thinking i saw a dead body and telling campus police about it… after waiting 30 minutes… but at least i did the “right” thing )
so…
I knew it was stress related… it died down… I guess early this year, the demon thing started.
I began posting on some OBE forums and had my mind polluted with the notions of demons, angels, and “negs” and sure enough they started showing up… rather infrequently at first.
Now they show up at least once a week… a few months or so ago it was very very bad… I fought back and fought back hard, and it died down, it’s stirring back up now.
What happens… is whenever I have sex in a dream lucidly… I start feeling these sensations back there… very smooth, kind of like something is being inserted, but there is no pain or unpleasantness associated with it… sometimes it will pass all the way through and out through my “front side” which… I don’t even know how to describe… it feels insanely awkward… imagine taking a needle and ramming up from back there and having it come out of your… umm… johnson… except without the searing pain… just weird awkward uncomfortableness yet some pleasure.
I dont’ know how to explain it or why it happens… most of the times, the girl is clearly not capable of logically doing this to me based upon her position.
So… this started happening in SP… with demon creatures doing it to me, minus the pleasure… and I made the mental association of anal stimulation = demons, no matter what… so now I have to try and kill that association so i can have regular sex dreams again.
at any rate… now whenever I have sex with a woman, it’ll start up… i’ll think “demon? no, don’t worry… just finish up… it doesn’t matter” and she’ll turn into a demon… sometimes very gross looking… recently she tried to bite my tounge off (like on Kill Bill)
so anyway i associate this with ONE demon… he looks like gollum… i fight him, kill him, etc, but he comes back… i tell him to leave but he comes back… i converse with him, try to be understanding of him, nicely ask him to leave… he comes back…
he sometimes calls himself Maynard (i am a hardcore tool fan) and most of what he tells me doesn’t make much sense… but yesterday what he told me was really unsettling… which I am about to link you to.
So at any rate… I dont’ know what to make of this… I wish I had never read about negs… I do not believe in them, but my open minded nature makes me susceptible to entertaining the ideas, especially subconsciously…
I have a lot of issues with sex (and my lack of getting it) and have issues with privacy, THE GOVERNMENT (i.e. oppression, not being allowed to do whatever i want to my body [think substances], and the patriot act terrifies me)… my parents… they are intolerant of my views on goverment, religion, and drugs. They refuse to acknowladge that I want to use them for spiritual reasons (and no i don’t use them, i just don’t have the environment to)… and so… well… th ey have been known to spy on my internet activities, put spyware on my computer, look at the forums I go to, etc.
This overprotective upbringing has made me pretty neuroitc and paranoid… very very much so… I’m an adult, FYI… 18…
very pissed off that the government wants to legislate our diets… very pissed off that the drinking age is 21, and that i’ll almost be out of college by then… very very pissed off that irresponsible teens and gangsters give drugs their horrible rap (and thinks like H and coke probably deserve horrible raps, but come on, weed? shrooms? lsd? DMT? not exactly recreational social drugs) and well…
You could call me angsty I suppose… but I feel it’s very important to stress that I am living in an environment which I perceive to be VERY hostile toward me… and I have NO ONE to relate to in real life… I live in a very very conservative christian area… everyone loves Bush and probably isn’t listening to any of the reports from the formerly gagged FBI agent that has papers proving they knew about 9/11 airplane attacks…
meh forget about that… you see what I’m saying? I’m the polar opposite of this environment I’m living in… and I have no friends (i have old friends that went to another school but i’m radically different than them now)
So…
I don’t want to ramble and whine and analyze but I mean if you are going to read my dreams you are goin to need a general background about what’s running through my head…
I think this will do.
So… … here is my dream journal
dreamjournal.org/dj/index.cfm?do … olyReality
the dreams listed are but a small fraction of the ones i actually have, as I am incredibly lazy about logging them in… but i have pretty great recall… as you can see by some of the multiple page long dream entries… and i still usually leave details out to save space.
so…
of particular note is the one i had last night:
dreamjournal.org/dj/index.cfm?do … m_id=38727
this one is also interesting:
dreamjournal.org/dj/index.cfm?do … m_id=36762
a huge demon fest… mass chaos…
dreamjournal.org/dj/index.cfm?do … m_id=35949
and this will give you an overview of the girl sleeping next to me type dream, though it never had demons, it still had the same characteristics of those dreams.
and if any of you are curious as to how i have so many lds and have so much recall… i believe that everytime i exit REM i awake… becuase i’ll wake up after almost every major dream segment I have… and I certainly don’t sleep well by any means at all… if I go a whole night without waking up (ultra rare) my recall is almost nonexistant.
So… anyway…
I do really apologize for the length of this, and would sincerely appreciate any feedback and interpretations… this seems to be a very good forum without the mystic superstitious stuff… and it’s actually ACTIVE which amazes me…
So I hope to make this a place I frequent and take a part in and will contribute to my fair share of answering other people’s questions… but I felt like I’d might as well get the inevitable out of the way with and make this post.
thank you for your time.
(oh and one tidbit i left out, i live in OK, not LA which you’d think i might based upon my magic mountain dreams)